11.30.12 (-)

My blood is thick and my heart ful of ill will. My heart is not at peace and I do not feel whole.

11.30.12 (cry)

Suddenly
With the weight of it all
It feels more appropriate
To jump in front
Of a moving train
Than pay rent
And be miserable
For yet another month,
But then I think
My family wouldn't have enough
To pay for the funeral.

11.28.12 (the moon)

full moon above
and talk of coincidence.
i talk of how the last three days
have been down
then used to be
plays.
then
regret making mistakes.
and i remember
that night,
and many others.
staring at the moon,
full.
today
feels lighter
perhaps because the weight
of that glowing ball
reminded me.

11.28.12 (crumble)

My chest heavy
my throat clogged.
Words have piled
Now my eyes fog
Anxiety returns
Unwelcome fast
Crumbling before you
This time: the last

11.28.12 (muddy shoes)

Eager,
I pushed forward,
Unaware of the
Mud on my shoes.
The carpet is dirty now,
And I don't think
There's any other way to say it:
I am going to break your heart.

11.27.12 (went for a walk in the park)

We've been spending so much time being concerned with things behind us we've lost sight of what's within or without and we've stopped looking forward and instead gaze inward. Never was the road pretty when we walked it, but god damn do I remember it being beautiful. I've scaled many mounts, if only to catch a glimpse of that memory, but I've forgotten to look forward. Eyes fogged with doubt, I look forward, searching not for a memory, but a new day, beautiful.

11.26.12 (foreward)

i remember
learning to leave.
i remember
yearning for more.
i remember
the steps i took
through your front door.
i've spent so much time
remembering,
i need to remember
to keep my eyes forward.

11.26.12 (empty return)

I had told myself
That upon my return,
I'd not let you back in
Then I did.

Sitting at the fire
Until 4am,
after the bar
"come over";

Silent,
Stealing glances.
Next to him,
Your heart seems heavier.

Forbidden love,
Cruel,
Yet I allow it.
Wishes remain unheard,
And my bed remains empty.

11.26.12 (forayehm)

This thing we built,
Scantily maintained,
Vessels lost
On the sea we made
Your hand in mine
Your eyes
Breaths exchanged
Touch

Hours pass
Painfully
You lead me off further
Knowing you can find me
But not I, you or others.
Drugs have sounded sweeter
Than the lack of your presence
And while this lie continues
So will I
Unto dirt
I return

11.26.12 (apart)

The ups and downs
Of being dragged around
Bad decisions
Made in tens.
Undeniable truth
indescribable feelings;
Love, thick like wet sand
Your web, it only grows.
The days have been long,
Times hard,
and everything seems to be pulling me away.
I only want you to smile,
So if it takes a broken heart,
so be it.

11.20.12 (4j4me)

Bitten by the dog from hell,
Touched by the hand of God,
Lost in the muddle of love unrequited...
We are all bound to the useless notion that someone will appear to relinquish our troubles and return what we feel we've lost. Foul temptations rear their heads when we feel it most. When you feel it, be weary, when you see it, be still; be vengeful in words if you must, but be grateful to know what hell feels like.

11.19.12 (4am)

Convinced of my escape, I was brave, venturing out. Still, yes still. Fumbling through attempts to hide the weight of the air surrounding me with your presence. Words flowing, just hearing you is a blessing, counted. Night, and more words, drinks too. Among others, still, I see none but you. And more words. Then I hear it. That laugh could kill me. It will. Your mind, beautiful as the person wielding. I smile. I laugh. More than months have held for me, together. The flickering fire dancing across your face. Your warmth, your voice. If I could, I would have never left that moment. But even when I left, you were with me. And even tonight, hours between us, I long to hear that laugh, that smile. I would search the universe infinitely just to find the correct word to describe your beauty, but when you're around, a word will forever be shadowed by you, by your presence. 

11.13.12 (themed dreams)

dreams
foray into unknown
thoughts lingering
wandering about at night
drinking whiskey, warm
a cool winter's breeze
back to the bar
walking away
glances: exchanged
words: minimal
is this real?

on clouds above
green grass below
grazing the tops of trees
with the tips of my fingers
your voice beckons–
on my couch
those eyes, piercing
melted heart, frozen
i ask,
"can i hold you?"
"not for long..."
the sun and clouds
pass through my blinds
as i wake looking out
my bedside window

11.11.12 (11-11-11-11)

I have had such fortune in forgetting short ties that bound us finger to finger like a Chinese trap and I thought it had ended until I saw your eyes in the dream I had last night. In your embrace in songs we sang the Sorry words we could not say cursed moments on a winter's day. I did well to leave no longer to see moments never meant to be pale in darkness clinging to me to only return in some winter nights dream.

11.9.12 (fate)

Is it wrong
I cannot relate
I was never interested in
Stupid things that delay
Songs that don't speak
To mind or to soul
Feelings always exist
Whether young or old
I have never been able
To stomach the taste
Of words people speak
So bland, so fake
But once in a while
We recognize the trade
As we slowly submit to
The ugly thing we call fate