05.24.19 (selfish)

Misguided feeling

Fleeting meaning 

Feel like

Nothing

Want only

Healing

There is no voice

I hunger 

For silence

Still I hear it

In the quiet

Forget it

I’ll run around the truth

To cushion it

It’s you, you

Feel the same

Pretend like

Somethings changed

I thought we’d be friends

You departed

I fled

Treat me 

like a stranger

You once met

It’s harder to lose a best friend

A lover

Comes and goes

Betrayal goes both ways

Disappointment

We both know

It makes me sick to think

This could be erased so easy

You probably felt that too

I was there being selfish

Still I thought there was more in us

Torn at the seams too soon

05.24.19 (gasp)

How do I transit between

Being angry and being alone

Is there any reprieve

Living in an empty home

Talking to myself

I replay words once said

Stuck in a loop

Regrets in my head

Floating in time unnatural 

This weight is weightlessness

To be sucked down into nothing

Come up to be breathless

Every gasp

Is like a flood of black

Going under 

You’re never coming back

The words you say to me

The way you’ll look too

Don’t know when I’ll see 

I dont think I’d recognize you

Maybe one day I’ll forget the trouble

Maybe one day I’ll forget the pain

Maybe one day this will feel like nothing

Maybe one day this will always feel the same

Floating in time unnatural 

This weight is weightlessness

Sucked down into nothing

Gasping for air, still breathless

05.18.19 (cherished)

I thought I knew 

But I didn’t 

Thought I knew how to love you

But was mistaken

I have thoughts 

Of malevolence

I am guilty

Ambivalence

Couldn’t see the truth

Let you slip away

Still think of you 

Every single day 

My eloquence faded

Long ago 

I am the remnants still

Sad and alone

05.17.19 (simple but stupid)

Unlovable

Unmoving

Silly fleeting 

feelings

Come home

Go away

I wish 

You woulda stayed 

Feel tired 

Like trash

Cannot escape

The past

Apologies

Paper thin

Don’t think I can feel

Anything

I’m a phony

I’m weak

I’m tired 

Feel fake 

Take this trouble 

Far away

Maybe calmness

Will return someday

05.13.19 (30)

Haven’t felt right

For a very long time

Every night 

An endless cry

I’d plead with you

If I thought it’d count

But I was a fool

Pushed you out of town

I could have persisted

But I was blinded

And you didn’t answer

Even when I tried

But that’s still deflection 

I bare most the blame

Stare into my reflection 

Feel only shame

I don’t know when I’ll see you

Or if you’ll look at me the same

I know the tears will keep coming

Every time I think your name

05.08.19 (sour)

Selfishness is the 

death of all of us

Can’t seem to bend

And not mistrust

Relations

Sour quickly

We break

Feel sickly 

How simple 

it all could be

Approach love

With honesty

Words fall

And come to pass 

Love lands

But doesn’t last 

Argue

Silly grievances

End it all

Silly to forget what’s been said

I guess forever

Is just a word

I wish 

I never heard 

05.08.19 (bleak)

I can’t seem to find

The beauty in anything anymore

It seems that joy has left me

Being awake feels like a chore

If only I could accept

The things that weren’t true

I wish I could remember how to love 

something that wasn’t you 

There’s a bleakness clinging on

To everything around

All feels like it is lost

Hope cannot be found

Try to forget

Try to move on

Still things get worse

Still feel so gone

If this is forever

I wish I never knew

I wish I could remember how to love

something that wasn’t you

05.03.19 (voice)

Relative anguish

Your pain and mine

Not nearly the same

Still we feel it all the time

Suffering together 

Better than being alone

Grow up grow down

Hearts turn to stone 

Try to grow better 

Be a better friend

Mistakes stack up

Hearts can still mend?

I know your voice 

I know your words

I know my heart

It is still yours 

Is this forever 

Is this the way it’ll be

Our pain is long

Can’t bear to feel