5.12.10 ( september 17, 2009(felt like shit about not writing for a while, ended up have you as my only inspiration))

i saw you from afar,
and it twisted my insides
i exited the car
and stared deep into your eyes
and we grabbed each other
and we held and we held
like it had been forever
 you whispered i love you,
infidelity in my mind
we sat close on the ride home,
the most vulnerable ride i've ever had
i felt like i could collapse
and die at your side
well the pleasure is all mine
 when we got home,
we said hello
we ventured downstairs
we kissed, we made love,
and i can still smell you on my pillow
some nights it's almost too much,
too many memories
tears well up in my eyes,
at the thought of your name,
your face, our time
i only wish i really knew
the way things turned out
so cold, so cruel
laying here, on a couch, alone
i've never felt this far from home
i guess that it's gone

5.12.10 (6/26/08)

when i hear your name,
i want to cry
there really was no reason
why we lost you
so young
 we drank too much
and way too fast
before we knew
it would be the last time,
we would see you
 I remember waking up,
still drunk
kind of hungover
and then my heart sunk
when i saw you
 tears fled
to my leaking eyes
when i saw your face
i couldn't help but cry
for you, you left
too soon
 and now i know
i'll never forget that day
no i will not ever
forget your name
gabe

4/22/10 (boyish blunders)

he had traveled and traveled he lived with no plan but none could the replace the fruit of his home land so he grabbed and he plucked he stole from all the trees safely nestled on his back he stuffed what he took into a sack he took what he wanted he went as he pleased he left quickly as he came on the slightest breeze and as he wandered 'cross the land retracing his old steps he gathered heart from the east and soul from the wild west and so he dredged on in search of eden and what he found was things didn't mean nearly as much when they weren't where they belonged

4/15/10 (regret)

i want you to know i don't care about you
i want you to know that that's a lie
i want you to know that i wrote this for you
i want you to know i wish you'd die
i really don't even if i say i do
i just want to explain why i cry
with out feeling like a fool
 you lasso'd me cross the states
you stole from me the time i had
i'm back where i first started; sitting in wait
now i'm here again, alone in my room; feelin' sad
 you promised me the world and more
you promised to show me love i'd never seen
then you took off and left me sore
and time goes by; i try to forget you
but you force your way on back
well now i'm miles and miles away from you
so please don't ever come back

3/29/10 (not settled with settling)

wake up in the morning, and i get out of bed i stretch out my arms and i scratch my head i look out the window and see that it's dawn i splash some water on my face and i let out a yawn i lay back down, rest my eyes a while longer i slip back to sleep and dream that this is all over fast forward to forever, rewind to infinity all i really want is to get out with my sanity but then i wake up again to the cats meowing hungry, pawing at my arm and then they follow me the kitchen is dirty and i'm still tired i feed the cats, take a drink of cold water i get my clothes ready to start my day another nine hours of work, no rest and no play then i make my way back to the city of sin back to the dirty apartment where my day begins then i think of the ways that i'll kill my time i read, write, i play, till the end of the night then i start it all over, i lay in the chair i think about you, and how you never cared i think to myself, this is all really silly and when i finally fall asleep i dream someday i'll be happy

3/13/10 (desparate man blues)

i want it to rain i want it to wash the tears from my face i want it to erase the thoughts held in my brain so i can be happy once again so i will not wake up in pain i want to feel the rain beating softly against my skin oh take away these feelings in my heart i need some kind of brand new start i want it to rain and never stop

3/4/10 (TLL)

hey you! why the long face? you're so young to be so full of rage! i know, it's been hard i know cause i've seen your scars but you know i really do care so don't lock yourself inside your lair come out and please talk to me tell me everything you've seen i want to hear you sing! tell me how you're living! so what, you're gay! you know that that's okay! some people don't understand, well those people can fuck off! but don't let it define you! you've got to remain true! you've got to follow your heart, let it lead you through the dark and i swear on the other side you will find your light!

3/4/10 (MJM)

I don't even quite know where to start your hearts been beaten, broken, and torn apart i know we've cried together! i know we've cried because of each other! i know you're trying hard, to be a good mom but you've got to know by now, you're doing a good job! you've got to calm down! it's almost over now! we're all nearly grown, although it hardly shows, we're all starting our lives! we don't need a friend! we need a strong-willed woman! we've all got to change our ways, before we lose our minds! no more drinking all the time! no more stupid, pointless fights! we're all moving too fast, but we're stuck in the past we don't think nearly enough of the consequences! we don't talk very much! and i think that's kind of fucked! in fact i think it's pretty fucking depressing! but i think we can find the strength! i think we can make the change! i think if we take it day by day, we can mend up all the pain, i think if we try to change, we will be okay.

3/4/10 (reassurance)

it's hard, you know, when you're stuck at the bottom of a garbage bin and you know, it's hard, to get back up on your feet again but it's what you've got to do, just to make it through the night, just to wake up the next morning, and feel alright you've to go hold your head up high! you've got to be brave! you've got to know no matter what, it'll be okay! sometimes it's rough! i know sometimes it's tough! but as long as you fill your heart up with love it'll be okay! it'll be okay! it'll be okay! don't worry, it isn't safe! but don't ever go and change your ways! you've got to live your life the way that you want to live! you've got to give all the love that your heart can give! don't try to fool yourself! don't try to fool others! be honest, be kind, be happy that you're alive! and i promise you'll do fine! yeah, you'll be okay! you'll be okay!

3/2/10 (simple kinda boy)

you know i do what i can to travel across the land to see everything the world's got for me to live my life unplanned i'm just a simple-talking boy i ain't no riddle-weaving man and i do what i've got to do to try and make you understand i don't care for your luxury and i don't give a fuck about your money so long as i've got a song to sing, and all my friends and family i think i can be happy and when i die don't bury me in the ground i want to be lost in the trees, or out at sea i want to die and never be found i know some feel the same as me that the world's unkind, the world's unfair it's pretty fucking scary! but don't you worry! we're all in this together! see i'm just a simple-minded boy i'm no deceptive, manipulative man i've said all i can, i hope you understand, that that just isn't who i am