5.9.12 (slow + steady)

stressful days,
but not in
bad ways.
maybe a little.
i don't know.
i have a lot
to do
and a lot
to move.
i hope you
understand.
i'm trying.
i'm really
trying.
i don't even know
what that
means,
but i mean it.
i am going to
go.
i am going to
do
what i said
i would do.
i am going to find
the meaning
of this.
i don't expect it
to be pretty,
i don't expect it
to be lame,
but it will be something,
perhaps something
more,
or perhaps something
the same.

5.7.12 (tonight)

whiskey.
more
whiskey.
week night,
but still
more drinks.
fuzzy head,
clear mind.
another
whiskey.
nothing to do
so i'm doing nothing.
more
whiskey.
good day?
more
whiskey.
bad day?
more
whiskey.
tonight?
another
whiskey.

5.7.12 (i's)

i don't know
if you saw it
in my eyes;
the reluctant
obedience
to the wound.
if you did
then you know
i could never
discern you,
but if you didn't
then forget this all
and i'll have
another drink please.

5.7.12 (comedy)

i'm sure
the heavens
do jest
in filling
the wistful times
with eerie
and unsavory
coincidence.
those many moments:
reminders of
what we wish
to forget.

5.5.12 (tired)

i don't know,
i thought i could allow myself to write
freely
but i can't.
i feel the burn,
of someone else's fingernails,
on my throat,
and on the back of my neck.
it is strange;
i feel a familiar sting,
coupled with the unfamiliar stings
of familiar feelings.
heartache,
anguish,
exhaustion.
this is normal,
but it shouldn't be.

5.5.12 (reluctant)

i've never
wanted you
to feel
what i felt.
i've never
wanted
to have you
object
to the things
passing through
my periphery.
i can't say
that i objected
to you being
part of this,
but i am
forever aware
of what
you are not.

5.4.12 (hopefulless)

i can't help
that i am solemn.
i can't change
my somber demeanor.
it is the weariness
that preserves me
from the pangs and pains
of nostalgia
and love
or lack of.
it is the fuel
for my restless days;
the tasteless,
wretched moments
that carry me,
drifting,
day to day.
i carry my straight face:
reluctant,
serious,
hopeful.
i live forever
a contradiction
to the thoughts
teeming
within my brain.

5.4.12 (if i could)

if i could
i would forget
that i had ever
held grudges.
if i could
i would forget
the many thoughts
i knew to be impossible.
if i could
i would forget
the biases i have held
before, now, or ever.
if i could,
i would forget
the thoughts
that have condemned me
to this eternal solitude.

5.4.12 (everyman)

sadness
is nothing more
than a road
you take
on a path
of many roads
and of many
homes.
happiness will
come
and it will definitely
go,
but that is the point;
either you live
or you don't.

5.1.12 (days)

restless,
drifting
through the
days.
crushed
by the weight
of the
empty sky above.
an endless
array
of sounds
flood my ears
as i close
my eyes,
to relax,
to unwind,
to unravel.
the tethers
of earthly
feelings
deny a
clarity
i've sought
for a thousand
eternities
and continue
to seek
until
the end
of time.