01.22.20 (end times)

Lost in nothing

Give in to something

A mountain of trouble

Still feel nothing 

Snowy evenings 

Deserted beings

Time spent alone

Distorted home

Lose track of what

Once felt it was

Time immortal

Felt important

Im barely alive

Without you by my side

Distracted temporarily 

You’re with me always

12.13.19 (all I see is you)

And even when I look in the mirror

Still all I see is you

And all the little ways

You’ve crept under my skin

And found your place in my mind.

My eyes are filtered through yours.

Still, all I see is you.

1215.19 (imperative)

It feels as if it is imperative to feel nothing

To be able to feel so intensely again

12.15.19 (once in a while)

My love 

Is tied to loss

I can only love the things

I know someday will be gone

Lust is silly

Feed on regret

Feel nothing for a while

What you give is what you get

Sorrow can sting

Burdened by desire

I’ll admit I still think of you

Once in a while

01.10.20 (hidden)

I lost faith in us

And let go for a bit

You lost faith in me

Months before any of it

The rose color

Of honeymoon fog

Fades over time

But lingers long

Your specter visits

In my dreams

Here and there

Awake and sleeping

An awful truth

Lies hidden in song

Everything you love

Someday will be gone

01.10.20 (ashamed)

I let myself down

I let you walk away

You gave up for a second

I gave up an eternity 

I wasn’t made of stone 

Wasn’t made of clay 

Pushed you too far

Didn’t know what to say

Dreams bring you back

For a short while

You love another

I lost your smile 

I let you down

Pulled back pushed away

Know I don’t deserve it

Still wish you’d stayed 

Ambition is blinding

Try to learn to grow

Overwhelming intent

Flighty instincts take hold

I failed to be there for you

And you’re gone now

I let you walk away

Hardly made a sound

I feel ashamed

01.04.20 (Ill-performing)

A strange thing
It is
To feel imprisoned
By an ill-performing
Recollection.

01.04.20 (petty, but normal)

It genuinely upsets me
To feel the slightest inclination
To desperately want to tell you
How good this hot sauce is

11.06.19 (rotten)

I wish sobriety

Had a bigger effect

On the ways I feel.

Sure, the feelings become

Quite a bit less

Intense,

And I don’t feel quite as

Rotten.

Still, the feelings linger

And it almost feels worse

To know they’re always

There in my head.

At least when i drink

There are moments

Of respite,

Regardless of how long.

I am still in love

With a memory.

I am still failing

To move on.

I am still struggling

To get out of bed each day.

11.01.19 (thinning)

Thinning out,

In time

I realized

That i have grown

Calloused,

And the words

That leave my lips

Are echoes of a person

I once was.

Like a specter,

I move about;

A hollow vision

Of a love that once was.