3/29/10 (not settled with settling)

wake up in the morning, and i get out of bed i stretch out my arms and i scratch my head i look out the window and see that it's dawn i splash some water on my face and i let out a yawn i lay back down, rest my eyes a while longer i slip back to sleep and dream that this is all over fast forward to forever, rewind to infinity all i really want is to get out with my sanity but then i wake up again to the cats meowing hungry, pawing at my arm and then they follow me the kitchen is dirty and i'm still tired i feed the cats, take a drink of cold water i get my clothes ready to start my day another nine hours of work, no rest and no play then i make my way back to the city of sin back to the dirty apartment where my day begins then i think of the ways that i'll kill my time i read, write, i play, till the end of the night then i start it all over, i lay in the chair i think about you, and how you never cared i think to myself, this is all really silly and when i finally fall asleep i dream someday i'll be happy

3/13/10 (desparate man blues)

i want it to rain i want it to wash the tears from my face i want it to erase the thoughts held in my brain so i can be happy once again so i will not wake up in pain i want to feel the rain beating softly against my skin oh take away these feelings in my heart i need some kind of brand new start i want it to rain and never stop

3/4/10 (TLL)

hey you! why the long face? you're so young to be so full of rage! i know, it's been hard i know cause i've seen your scars but you know i really do care so don't lock yourself inside your lair come out and please talk to me tell me everything you've seen i want to hear you sing! tell me how you're living! so what, you're gay! you know that that's okay! some people don't understand, well those people can fuck off! but don't let it define you! you've got to remain true! you've got to follow your heart, let it lead you through the dark and i swear on the other side you will find your light!

3/4/10 (MJM)

I don't even quite know where to start your hearts been beaten, broken, and torn apart i know we've cried together! i know we've cried because of each other! i know you're trying hard, to be a good mom but you've got to know by now, you're doing a good job! you've got to calm down! it's almost over now! we're all nearly grown, although it hardly shows, we're all starting our lives! we don't need a friend! we need a strong-willed woman! we've all got to change our ways, before we lose our minds! no more drinking all the time! no more stupid, pointless fights! we're all moving too fast, but we're stuck in the past we don't think nearly enough of the consequences! we don't talk very much! and i think that's kind of fucked! in fact i think it's pretty fucking depressing! but i think we can find the strength! i think we can make the change! i think if we take it day by day, we can mend up all the pain, i think if we try to change, we will be okay.

3/4/10 (reassurance)

it's hard, you know, when you're stuck at the bottom of a garbage bin and you know, it's hard, to get back up on your feet again but it's what you've got to do, just to make it through the night, just to wake up the next morning, and feel alright you've to go hold your head up high! you've got to be brave! you've got to know no matter what, it'll be okay! sometimes it's rough! i know sometimes it's tough! but as long as you fill your heart up with love it'll be okay! it'll be okay! it'll be okay! don't worry, it isn't safe! but don't ever go and change your ways! you've got to live your life the way that you want to live! you've got to give all the love that your heart can give! don't try to fool yourself! don't try to fool others! be honest, be kind, be happy that you're alive! and i promise you'll do fine! yeah, you'll be okay! you'll be okay!

3/2/10 (simple kinda boy)

you know i do what i can to travel across the land to see everything the world's got for me to live my life unplanned i'm just a simple-talking boy i ain't no riddle-weaving man and i do what i've got to do to try and make you understand i don't care for your luxury and i don't give a fuck about your money so long as i've got a song to sing, and all my friends and family i think i can be happy and when i die don't bury me in the ground i want to be lost in the trees, or out at sea i want to die and never be found i know some feel the same as me that the world's unkind, the world's unfair it's pretty fucking scary! but don't you worry! we're all in this together! see i'm just a simple-minded boy i'm no deceptive, manipulative man i've said all i can, i hope you understand, that that just isn't who i am

2,26.10 (this again)

i know that you're never coming back because i'm not him, and that's a fact i don't use words you need a dictionary for but i know that i've loved you so much more my writings are silly, childish scribbles but the heart held within's worth more than a riddle i didn't remind you of my love with each breath and sigh because i thought you could see it, in the blues in my eyes when you're in my sight, i'm nothing but smiles but you're not there, you've been gone quite a while i'd tell you i care, i'd tell you how i felt i'd tell you i love you, yellow roses on your steps but i know it's too late, i know that you're gone but i'm still weak to your game, a worthless pawn just a word from your lips, and i'm at your feet just a buzz from my phone and i leap from my seat it's pathetic, i know, i wish i could stop but i'm a fool, I KNOW, it'll be a while

2/26/10 (just a thought)

laying in the back of a pick-up truck not quite sober, but not quite drunk nothing but the moon and a star in the sky staring back at me, like a pair of eyes what would happen if we were in an accident? would i die on impact? or would i be pinned? would i burn up slow? would i die in a fire? or would my head be crushed beneath a tire? would my body do it's best to fly? or would i simply bleed out and die? would the blow be enough to shatter my skull? or would i just eject and take a tumble? so many ways to die, so many ways to live i feel like i've got so much more to give so i survive the night, i make it out alive to take my life for granted till the day i die but i ask myself why? why do this to ourselves? to forget some promise? to curse the cards we've been dealt? we've got to end the useless killing! we've got to be more hopeful and willing! To go on another day, to change our ways to wake up feeling like we can truly change and be happy

2/23/10 (it started as a song for someone i haven't met, then it turned into a song about her, so the first verse is for no one, but the second is)

i'm not asking you to change when i ask for you to stay i just want you to hear what to me seems so clear that you're everything i want you're so much more you're everything i spent my life hoping and wishing for so please just stay a while you don't have to say you're mine just stay here by my side you don't have to comfort me just let me hear you speak just let me see those eyes green like the trees outside and you can talk on through the day saying everything you've got to say but sebastian misses you not as much as i do and as hard as i try i can't help but write songs about you so please, just stay a little while i know that you aren't mine but at least i tried

2.21.10 (optimism (too much panda bear))

some days
i feel
better

someday
i will feel
more

i spend my time
trying
i try

some day
i will be
happy-er

 sometimes
i get a little
down

sometimes
i hope for
more

i get
a little
restless

i get
a little
tired 

when
i feel
sad

i try
my best
to hide

sometimes
it gets
so hard

but even
still
i try

sometimes
the time
just flies

sometimes
i get stuck
in the past

sometimes
the future
seems too bright

it gets a
little hard
to see

 i try my
best
to hope

to get through
another
long day

i try my best
to try to be as
happy as i say