7.5.10 (frantic)

what do i have to do?
to what lengths must i go?
to turn this cruel, scary world
into a loving home
 how many hands must i shake?
how many promises will i break?
i wish i could do it,
oh i wish it would work
but i know i'd be too afraid
that i would get hurt
 and nothing really matters much to me
but what i'm feeling now
and though it hurts so bad
 it will pass,
like a thinning cloud
 now i feel kind of frantic
i feel kind of sad
my mind is racing in circles
turning me dizzy and
so i try to think only of now
i think of how small,
how tiny we really are
and then everything is kind of ok,
none of this really matters anyhow

6.28.10 (old timey love song)

oh where have you gone my love

your words still flow deep within my blood

no matter how long or how far you are

you will always be the life flowing through my heart

and i know, i know, i know we'll try

to go our own ways, to live our own lives

but i can't go on living on my own

no, without you by my side, i'll be swallowed whole

so baby come back!

return to my side!

come back to my arms! oh baby come back!

and hold your head high!

i'll give you everything that you ever could need

i'll take you to places that you've never seen

i'll buy you all the diamonds in the world

if only you'd be my girl

but i know that you've got your own plan

i just wish that you would let me be your man

i would gladly stand tall by your side

just so long as you would be mine

oh, please! baby come back! come back! come back!

return to my side!

let me hold you in my arms!

till the sun refuses to shine!

06.01.10 (building/burning)

it's harder to build a bridge than it is to mend a broken one and by the time i've gotten the courage you're already long gone and so i set off on my own on a desperate search to find a new home but i'm quick to chase my own tail i'm poor boy, destined to fail what a sob story i am nothing i do ever works out right and the second something is wrong i turn tail and run away in fright i set off again on my own chasing my tail, running back home maybe my mind's just too frail a boy made of glass, made to fail what a nightmare this is too lazy to try, too confused to cry i drive myself mad every day and then drink myself stupid every night and then i'm off again on my own i'm running again, away from this home forever on this lonesome trail just a stupid, selfish kid, born to fail

5.29.10 (_______)

take this longing from my bones to ease the pain of being alone to get over having loved and lost to forget the nights our bodies lay crossed take yourself out of my dreams i'm tired of being haunted by a memory i'm tired of waking up alone i'm tired of the nights, so cold give back all of the love you stole i think it's time for you to go return to me all that you owe and my heart will once again be closed so you go your way, and i go mine though i still think of you all the time and though i'm sorry i can't have you for my own i'll carry on as i have always done

5.12.10 ( september 17, 2009(felt like shit about not writing for a while, ended up have you as my only inspiration))

i saw you from afar,
and it twisted my insides
i exited the car
and stared deep into your eyes
and we grabbed each other
and we held and we held
like it had been forever
 you whispered i love you,
infidelity in my mind
we sat close on the ride home,
the most vulnerable ride i've ever had
i felt like i could collapse
and die at your side
well the pleasure is all mine
 when we got home,
we said hello
we ventured downstairs
we kissed, we made love,
and i can still smell you on my pillow
some nights it's almost too much,
too many memories
tears well up in my eyes,
at the thought of your name,
your face, our time
i only wish i really knew
the way things turned out
so cold, so cruel
laying here, on a couch, alone
i've never felt this far from home
i guess that it's gone

5.12.10 (6/26/08)

when i hear your name,
i want to cry
there really was no reason
why we lost you
so young
 we drank too much
and way too fast
before we knew
it would be the last time,
we would see you
 I remember waking up,
still drunk
kind of hungover
and then my heart sunk
when i saw you
 tears fled
to my leaking eyes
when i saw your face
i couldn't help but cry
for you, you left
too soon
 and now i know
i'll never forget that day
no i will not ever
forget your name
gabe

4/22/10 (boyish blunders)

he had traveled and traveled he lived with no plan but none could the replace the fruit of his home land so he grabbed and he plucked he stole from all the trees safely nestled on his back he stuffed what he took into a sack he took what he wanted he went as he pleased he left quickly as he came on the slightest breeze and as he wandered 'cross the land retracing his old steps he gathered heart from the east and soul from the wild west and so he dredged on in search of eden and what he found was things didn't mean nearly as much when they weren't where they belonged

4/15/10 (regret)

i want you to know i don't care about you
i want you to know that that's a lie
i want you to know that i wrote this for you
i want you to know i wish you'd die
i really don't even if i say i do
i just want to explain why i cry
with out feeling like a fool
 you lasso'd me cross the states
you stole from me the time i had
i'm back where i first started; sitting in wait
now i'm here again, alone in my room; feelin' sad
 you promised me the world and more
you promised to show me love i'd never seen
then you took off and left me sore
and time goes by; i try to forget you
but you force your way on back
well now i'm miles and miles away from you
so please don't ever come back

3/29/10 (not settled with settling)

wake up in the morning, and i get out of bed i stretch out my arms and i scratch my head i look out the window and see that it's dawn i splash some water on my face and i let out a yawn i lay back down, rest my eyes a while longer i slip back to sleep and dream that this is all over fast forward to forever, rewind to infinity all i really want is to get out with my sanity but then i wake up again to the cats meowing hungry, pawing at my arm and then they follow me the kitchen is dirty and i'm still tired i feed the cats, take a drink of cold water i get my clothes ready to start my day another nine hours of work, no rest and no play then i make my way back to the city of sin back to the dirty apartment where my day begins then i think of the ways that i'll kill my time i read, write, i play, till the end of the night then i start it all over, i lay in the chair i think about you, and how you never cared i think to myself, this is all really silly and when i finally fall asleep i dream someday i'll be happy

3/13/10 (desparate man blues)

i want it to rain i want it to wash the tears from my face i want it to erase the thoughts held in my brain so i can be happy once again so i will not wake up in pain i want to feel the rain beating softly against my skin oh take away these feelings in my heart i need some kind of brand new start i want it to rain and never stop