11.27.10 (self-portrait)

who is this person i've come to be

who are these people i've come to meet

where is this place i've come to live

what is this love i've got to give

i feel i've forgotten quite a few things

i've grown tired of the songs i used to sing

i'm circling round thoughts i used to know

i can't stop thinking of the place i'm from

i never told you, but i planted seeds in the cracks of your heart

i planted flowers where bits had broken apart

i'd hoped a garden would spring out of your chest

anything to cure you of this nasty mess

but i'm still heading to bed each night alone

and each morning i wake up, i'm still cold

a frozen heart can take some time to thaw

like the midwest winter's reign/rain over fall

so i've been giving it quite a bit of thought

i'm taking in the products of what i've wrought

but those seeds i planted still refuse to grow

perhaps because they miss the winter snow

so maybe it's worse to fall in love

than it is to wake up and just be in

love

i'm learning to love you more

it's just going to take some time

11.10.10

racing forward;

my mind is chasing itself

i stop to catch

a breath of air

only to breathe in blood

rushing to my chest,

for my heart

is racing too

i try to quench

my growing thirst

but all i have (to drink)

is more stressful than before

i should have brought something else!

"i think i'm lost!"

my mind says to

itself...

oh! to be found!

10.14.10 (speculation)

i do not believe
 i should say i'm sorry
 not a word will be spoken
for your hope to gleam, hardly
 i am not mad
no grudge to be held
i gave you a taste
of the betrayal i have felt
 this is not an act
of distaste or retribution
 just a passing thought
 words that will never
 leave my sorry tongue
 i do not wish
 to further tear at your wounds
 just to extract a fraction
of truth from your muddied mouth

7.5.10 (frantic)

what do i have to do?
to what lengths must i go?
to turn this cruel, scary world
into a loving home
 how many hands must i shake?
how many promises will i break?
i wish i could do it,
oh i wish it would work
but i know i'd be too afraid
that i would get hurt
 and nothing really matters much to me
but what i'm feeling now
and though it hurts so bad
 it will pass,
like a thinning cloud
 now i feel kind of frantic
i feel kind of sad
my mind is racing in circles
turning me dizzy and
so i try to think only of now
i think of how small,
how tiny we really are
and then everything is kind of ok,
none of this really matters anyhow

6.28.10 (old timey love song)

oh where have you gone my love

your words still flow deep within my blood

no matter how long or how far you are

you will always be the life flowing through my heart

and i know, i know, i know we'll try

to go our own ways, to live our own lives

but i can't go on living on my own

no, without you by my side, i'll be swallowed whole

so baby come back!

return to my side!

come back to my arms! oh baby come back!

and hold your head high!

i'll give you everything that you ever could need

i'll take you to places that you've never seen

i'll buy you all the diamonds in the world

if only you'd be my girl

but i know that you've got your own plan

i just wish that you would let me be your man

i would gladly stand tall by your side

just so long as you would be mine

oh, please! baby come back! come back! come back!

return to my side!

let me hold you in my arms!

till the sun refuses to shine!

06.01.10 (building/burning)

it's harder to build a bridge than it is to mend a broken one and by the time i've gotten the courage you're already long gone and so i set off on my own on a desperate search to find a new home but i'm quick to chase my own tail i'm poor boy, destined to fail what a sob story i am nothing i do ever works out right and the second something is wrong i turn tail and run away in fright i set off again on my own chasing my tail, running back home maybe my mind's just too frail a boy made of glass, made to fail what a nightmare this is too lazy to try, too confused to cry i drive myself mad every day and then drink myself stupid every night and then i'm off again on my own i'm running again, away from this home forever on this lonesome trail just a stupid, selfish kid, born to fail

5.29.10 (_______)

take this longing from my bones to ease the pain of being alone to get over having loved and lost to forget the nights our bodies lay crossed take yourself out of my dreams i'm tired of being haunted by a memory i'm tired of waking up alone i'm tired of the nights, so cold give back all of the love you stole i think it's time for you to go return to me all that you owe and my heart will once again be closed so you go your way, and i go mine though i still think of you all the time and though i'm sorry i can't have you for my own i'll carry on as i have always done

5.12.10 ( september 17, 2009(felt like shit about not writing for a while, ended up have you as my only inspiration))

i saw you from afar,
and it twisted my insides
i exited the car
and stared deep into your eyes
and we grabbed each other
and we held and we held
like it had been forever
 you whispered i love you,
infidelity in my mind
we sat close on the ride home,
the most vulnerable ride i've ever had
i felt like i could collapse
and die at your side
well the pleasure is all mine
 when we got home,
we said hello
we ventured downstairs
we kissed, we made love,
and i can still smell you on my pillow
some nights it's almost too much,
too many memories
tears well up in my eyes,
at the thought of your name,
your face, our time
i only wish i really knew
the way things turned out
so cold, so cruel
laying here, on a couch, alone
i've never felt this far from home
i guess that it's gone

5.12.10 (6/26/08)

when i hear your name,
i want to cry
there really was no reason
why we lost you
so young
 we drank too much
and way too fast
before we knew
it would be the last time,
we would see you
 I remember waking up,
still drunk
kind of hungover
and then my heart sunk
when i saw you
 tears fled
to my leaking eyes
when i saw your face
i couldn't help but cry
for you, you left
too soon
 and now i know
i'll never forget that day
no i will not ever
forget your name
gabe

4/22/10 (boyish blunders)

he had traveled and traveled he lived with no plan but none could the replace the fruit of his home land so he grabbed and he plucked he stole from all the trees safely nestled on his back he stuffed what he took into a sack he took what he wanted he went as he pleased he left quickly as he came on the slightest breeze and as he wandered 'cross the land retracing his old steps he gathered heart from the east and soul from the wild west and so he dredged on in search of eden and what he found was things didn't mean nearly as much when they weren't where they belonged