11.30.12 (-)

My blood is thick and my heart ful of ill will. My heart is not at peace and I do not feel whole.

11.30.12 (cry)

Suddenly
With the weight of it all
It feels more appropriate
To jump in front
Of a moving train
Than pay rent
And be miserable
For yet another month,
But then I think
My family wouldn't have enough
To pay for the funeral.

11.28.12 (the moon)

full moon above
and talk of coincidence.
i talk of how the last three days
have been down
then used to be
plays.
then
regret making mistakes.
and i remember
that night,
and many others.
staring at the moon,
full.
today
feels lighter
perhaps because the weight
of that glowing ball
reminded me.

11.28.12 (crumble)

My chest heavy
my throat clogged.
Words have piled
Now my eyes fog
Anxiety returns
Unwelcome fast
Crumbling before you
This time: the last

11.28.12 (muddy shoes)

Eager,
I pushed forward,
Unaware of the
Mud on my shoes.
The carpet is dirty now,
And I don't think
There's any other way to say it:
I am going to break your heart.

11.27.12 (went for a walk in the park)

We've been spending so much time being concerned with things behind us we've lost sight of what's within or without and we've stopped looking forward and instead gaze inward. Never was the road pretty when we walked it, but god damn do I remember it being beautiful. I've scaled many mounts, if only to catch a glimpse of that memory, but I've forgotten to look forward. Eyes fogged with doubt, I look forward, searching not for a memory, but a new day, beautiful.

11.26.12 (foreward)

i remember
learning to leave.
i remember
yearning for more.
i remember
the steps i took
through your front door.
i've spent so much time
remembering,
i need to remember
to keep my eyes forward.

11.26.12 (empty return)

I had told myself
That upon my return,
I'd not let you back in
Then I did.

Sitting at the fire
Until 4am,
after the bar
"come over";

Silent,
Stealing glances.
Next to him,
Your heart seems heavier.

Forbidden love,
Cruel,
Yet I allow it.
Wishes remain unheard,
And my bed remains empty.

11.26.12 (forayehm)

This thing we built,
Scantily maintained,
Vessels lost
On the sea we made
Your hand in mine
Your eyes
Breaths exchanged
Touch

Hours pass
Painfully
You lead me off further
Knowing you can find me
But not I, you or others.
Drugs have sounded sweeter
Than the lack of your presence
And while this lie continues
So will I
Unto dirt
I return

11.26.12 (apart)

The ups and downs
Of being dragged around
Bad decisions
Made in tens.
Undeniable truth
indescribable feelings;
Love, thick like wet sand
Your web, it only grows.
The days have been long,
Times hard,
and everything seems to be pulling me away.
I only want you to smile,
So if it takes a broken heart,
so be it.