08.29.19 (withdrawal)

Pretending the world hadn’t ended

Stumbling blind

Into naked desire:

I bumped and bumbled through

Many months.

Desire can grow poisonous

Like addiction,

And then when reality returns to focus

The return to nothingness can

Feel like withdrawal.

I do not look forward

To insomniac nights

But it seems they have come for me

Yet again. 

08.22.19 (words)

Dulling 

Draining

Absence

Drained 

Pain

Poor

Sore

Melancholy 

Folly

Fortress

For nothing

Futility

Periodic

Pain

Inept

Insane

Innocuous 

Incapable 

It is everything 

It is inane

It is nothing

It is passing rain

Momentary stain

A feeling gained 

A lesson learned 

A pardon feigned 

Feelings fickle

Passing days

Everything and nothing

Everything all the same

08.20.19 (mistaken)

I did well

For a long while.

I could go a day

And though you crossed my mind

You did not remain

For long.

Lately

You’ve reentered my dreams

And I find myself

Hungering

To hear your voice

To see you smile.

It’s funny,

I thought I was free,

I was mistaken.

08.16.19 (a little longer)

I Think of you

More often

Than I’d like to admit.

Not that you’re the

Sole owner

Of my thoughts,

But you enter them

Every day,

And that feels like

A form of torture.

I don’t think you 

Feel the same way

Or even

care

To hear such things,

But it is true.

I’ve been meaning 

to write down words

To say to you

The next time we speak,

But I’ve gone a good bit of time

Without crying,

And I’d like to enjoy that

A little longer.

08.13.19 (haunting)

I keep you in my heart

Both willingly and

Unwillingly.

I feel you when I breathe.

I see you when I think.

I hear you when I close my eyes.

I think of you when I lust,

When I kiss,

When I embrace another.

It feels as if it is a haunting

Of sorts. 

I cannot decide

Whether I like this

Or not.

08.12.19 (yearns)

Lust in place of love

Serves as a fragile distraction 

To the reality

Of emptiness and apathy.

A whirlwind week

Was lovely at times 

And wholly uneventful at others

But at no point

Has it felt like anything

Other than temporary. 

It took me a year

To make it this far

And not feel guilty

To give love to others,

Even still, it feels hollow.

Physical pleasures are 

No place to escape 

For any long period of time

When the heart 

Still yearns

For another. 

08.06.19 (we)

A year since you left

Still paralyzed

Learning from scratch

Fall apart sometimes 

Threw swords at each other

We hurt the same 

Things fall apart

We are both to blame

Tears well

Memory sound

I wonder how your eyes

Would look at me now

Hair grown long

Might be like yours

Grow it till 

I don’t care anymore

Is there a moving on

When you live inside me

Grown bitter from cold

Calloused words inscribed we

Forever is three words

Forever is lines drawn on me

Forever is an illusion 

Never again will I agree

08.01.19 (charade)

Replacing disappointment

With distaste

Discontentment

With distance.

Letting things go

Has never been

My strongest quality

But I cannot continue

In this manner.

I will no longer

Play this charade;

No more longing

There is no friendship to be had

07.29.19 (had)

It’s not so much to ask for

Forgiveness

I’d like to think I have changed

Learning and healing take time

Nobody’s perfect

I have made my mistakes

I want to believe in something more

Reincarnation 

Not another life, Perhaps redemption 

Tried to end my world real slow

Drink up

Feel like nothing feel nothing anymore 

Friendship seemed like an option

Misguided hope

Sometimes the end leaves nothing at all

Now there’s only a memory

Not good or bad

Just the remnants of something

We once had

07.26.19 (keep)

Reminded in everything I see

Wishes never meant to be

Poison tongue unraveling

Slow decay, everything

Chasing memories

Caught by the tail

Fighting the inevitable

Haunted and frail

Drink till there’s nothing left

Return to hell

Made me say forever

Couldn’t live it out yourself

Run round in circles

Words once said

Breathless and bored

Writhing in my bed

Shook to the core

Hide behind the door

Still I adore

Still I love you more

Regret comes in waves

Forget everything

Made me say forever

A promise you could not keep