2,26.10 (this again)

i know that you're never coming back because i'm not him, and that's a fact i don't use words you need a dictionary for but i know that i've loved you so much more my writings are silly, childish scribbles but the heart held within's worth more than a riddle i didn't remind you of my love with each breath and sigh because i thought you could see it, in the blues in my eyes when you're in my sight, i'm nothing but smiles but you're not there, you've been gone quite a while i'd tell you i care, i'd tell you how i felt i'd tell you i love you, yellow roses on your steps but i know it's too late, i know that you're gone but i'm still weak to your game, a worthless pawn just a word from your lips, and i'm at your feet just a buzz from my phone and i leap from my seat it's pathetic, i know, i wish i could stop but i'm a fool, I KNOW, it'll be a while

2/26/10 (just a thought)

laying in the back of a pick-up truck not quite sober, but not quite drunk nothing but the moon and a star in the sky staring back at me, like a pair of eyes what would happen if we were in an accident? would i die on impact? or would i be pinned? would i burn up slow? would i die in a fire? or would my head be crushed beneath a tire? would my body do it's best to fly? or would i simply bleed out and die? would the blow be enough to shatter my skull? or would i just eject and take a tumble? so many ways to die, so many ways to live i feel like i've got so much more to give so i survive the night, i make it out alive to take my life for granted till the day i die but i ask myself why? why do this to ourselves? to forget some promise? to curse the cards we've been dealt? we've got to end the useless killing! we've got to be more hopeful and willing! To go on another day, to change our ways to wake up feeling like we can truly change and be happy

2/23/10 (it started as a song for someone i haven't met, then it turned into a song about her, so the first verse is for no one, but the second is)

i'm not asking you to change when i ask for you to stay i just want you to hear what to me seems so clear that you're everything i want you're so much more you're everything i spent my life hoping and wishing for so please just stay a while you don't have to say you're mine just stay here by my side you don't have to comfort me just let me hear you speak just let me see those eyes green like the trees outside and you can talk on through the day saying everything you've got to say but sebastian misses you not as much as i do and as hard as i try i can't help but write songs about you so please, just stay a little while i know that you aren't mine but at least i tried

2.21.10 (optimism (too much panda bear))

some days
i feel
better

someday
i will feel
more

i spend my time
trying
i try

some day
i will be
happy-er

 sometimes
i get a little
down

sometimes
i hope for
more

i get
a little
restless

i get
a little
tired 

when
i feel
sad

i try
my best
to hide

sometimes
it gets
so hard

but even
still
i try

sometimes
the time
just flies

sometimes
i get stuck
in the past

sometimes
the future
seems too bright

it gets a
little hard
to see

 i try my
best
to hope

to get through
another
long day

i try my best
to try to be as
happy as i say

2/17/10 (the way it was like)

misery is such
a fascinating thing
 it comes and it goes
to displease as it pleases

 it clouds your mind
with thoughts of the past
fears of the future
of love that won't last

exaltation,
curious too
bursting with smiles
when i'm sitting near you

the feelings you give
they come and they pass
 you are the rain
and i'm dying grass

 breathe to me life
breathe to me joy
i try to be charming
you're being very coy

but you settle my mind
you put my thoughts at ease
your voice is so sweet
i get cavities
stay with me now
because it's getting pretty cold
your smile is enough
to keep me warm

let's sit and talk
tell me all i can hear
it doesn't matter what
just keep speaking clear

i'm stuck in your wave
no i can't get away
i've been stuck in this trance
since our very first date

so let's just stay this way
 let's just be what we are
i'll ride this thing out
no matter how far
on your wave

1/15/10 (struggling)

is this what you wanted?
is it going the way you'd planned?
what did you expect?
to suddenly be a full grown man?
do you find life fulfilling
stuck in a routine?
do you find life fulfilling
not doing anything?
this feels like an ambush
i've set for myself
i'm torturing,
i'm terrorizing
i'm raising my own hell
nothing ever feels right
will i ever find a track
on which i can live happily
and be able to smile
looking back?

2.12.10 (in regards to november 22nd)

we drove two hours out into the cold we didn't talk much as you silently drove my feet on the dash i penned out some thoughts you asked what i was doing and i said writing before i forgot later on in the theater you pulled me close you kissed my cheek rested on my shoulder but once we left you grew cold again you walked ahead talked back with disdain we left prescott, drove back down the mountains at dark we sat silently just the light of the stars then at the bus stop you were dropping me off you said you needed space again you needed to learn to be alone but one month passed and you made no progress instead you found another boy to get him out of your head is it working? are you happy? i doubt it.

2.4.10 (stars)

january first
two thousand eleven
you looked to the stars
and cursed at the heavens
you said that the world was unkind
unlike you were told
you wanted a refund
paid upfront in gold
but the heavens replied
with dark clouds in the sky
and as rain fell on your face
you slowly began to cry
so i took you inside
and i gave you a beer
i said "take it easy,
don't cry another tear!
you're much too beautiful for that
and i know this as fact!
so dry off your face,
let's forget about this place!
and i'll surround you with love!"
but you stop me and say
"that just isn't enough."

2/4/10 (lights in the skies(love song for no one inspired by flight of the conchords))

the lights in your eyes shine like stars in the sky and i'm glad to be alive in this city tonight with you the summertime air it blows waves in your hair it may not be polite but i can not help but stare at your eyes and your smile we walk arm in arm on down the avenue we laugh with each step and cry out to the moon and the stars they're reflected in your eyes they shine like the city lights and there's no place i'd rather be tonight we sit in the park exchange smiles in the dark you lean onto my shoulder and tell more of who you are in the quiet night city the light towers emitting i sing you a song and you say that it's pretty to my delight and we kiss under the moonlight i swear, it's the most beautiful sight