9.29.12 (ism)

bad decisions
and many drinks later
time pours from me
lost in clinks
and many more drinks.
hazy days
come forth in pairs
as i watch life
disappear at the bottom
of my glass.

9.28.12 (concern)

around
about
this distance.
i never wanted
this to be
especially
to be this way.
happy when
things carried through
though
quivering still
when i'm not
with you.
still finding ways
still running away.
still contemplating
still yes still.
all that is done,
and all that will come
will still carry through
when i'm lost in you

9.27.12 (exile ii)

exile...
ha!
that's rich.
like i could
harm you
in ways
i've harmed
myself.
exile...

true!
you've
done it!
how do
you feel?
oh,
you feel?

exile...
truly!
exile!
friends?
really?
really?
pain?
you don't say!

well,
there's
always
tomorrow,
right!?
ahh!
there it is!
exile!

9.27.12 (no home)

home...
home?
really,
home?
here?
no.
there?
no.
where is
there?
where is
home?
no.
not there,
nor there,
nor there.
so where?
i will tell
you
when i
figure it out
for myself.

9.27.12 (currently)

father?
oh, another.
father?
goodbye.
great times,
months,
years.
father?
ah, no.
arnold?
perhaps, so.
turmoil?
always.
steady ground to stand on?
sometimes.
fighting:
constant.
feelings:
always.
selfishness?
from all.
i would be lying
if i were to say
that any of this
didn't hurt.

9.27.12 (exile)

do you hear
every word i say
or do you listen to
the sounds of every day
do you hear the cries
leaving my lips
cause we can trace
the source of our unhappiness
do you understand
what really happened
do you really feel
the course of our actions
i know i do too
if you suffer
i know i do too
i'm just saying
i know what you're paying
i'm paying all my dues
maybe i'm paying more too
i just want to
smile again
i just want to
be happy to be ok
i just wish this
could go over easy
but it is hard
in exile life is uneasy

9.26.12 (i'm getting very tired of this)

now i spend
a lot of time
reminding friends
of this heart of mine
that more than most
i care of hearts more
that the sting of the world
cuts to my core.
that romance is
the language i prefer
and any other words
can only deter.
to see friends suffer
is to see my own end,
because we share our hearts
to our dearest friends,
and my friends are those
who care for one another
i swear i care for you all
soon you will rediscover;

i believed in chance
i believed in longing
i believed she was lonely
i believed she was forgotten
i believed my friends were there
but i know long friendships mean more
but still it's frustrating being victim
of the stories people forever distort.

9.26.12 (HA HA)

it's not upsetting
in the sense that
i see you
often
but that
recovery
that we know was lost
especially
in the grasps
exchanged.
i do not wish
your exile from my mind
nor your exile from my life
but i wish that forgetting
didn't mean forgetting
and that i was not made
to the villain that i am now.

9.26.12 (friendly faces)

couple of months
and a few weaks were there
and now months have gone by
and i'm pulling out my hair
i just want to be free of
what i know has died

i know time has gone by
i know i nearly killed myself
i know you stayed here
tried to regroup what fell
and i know that we both tried
to pick up what we lost

but i know deep inside
i stay sturdy even when i lie
i want to forget you,
but i can't even when i try
so i run away again
and try to find what i
lost somewhere along the way

coming back to different things
familiar friends lacking intimacy
people i thought could carry on
i tried to repent all i could but not quite
i guess it is impossible when everyone else
falls in love at first sight

i tried to give you all distance
i tried to make it easier
to make myself less sad
i tried to not be present
to not drive you mad
i tried to make sure you could
rebuild what you had

but still i'm nothing more
than what has been
and still i must distance
or else be judged and
i don't think that it's worth it
though i might deserve it
and so i guess it's likely
that i'll leave again

9.19.12 (sea)

blood
dripping
from
words
leaving lips.
sealed in
moments,
fleeting,
still.
stolen time
from us all,
becomes
yet another
tragedy,
among a sea
of smiling faces.

9.18.12 (easy)

an anvil
has fallen
from my throat
to my stomach;
from my heart,
from my head,
to my core.
silence,
for the sake
of being,
for the sake,
of most.
turning off
the voice
inside
that is screaming,
for the one
that cares not
of false sentiment.
tuning in
to the voice
that speaks
of easy times,
of coasting,
of apathy,
of words that float on water.
untrue,
but easy.

9.18.12 (twinge)

within
strange confines
do thoughts
tingle and
twinge
and sprout;
and ideas
like trees
grow
or die
and i am left
lost somewhere
inside.

9.18.12 (cool)

hope
in the hearth,
in time;
past.
streams
of cool water
pass over
jagged rock
and i.
ever present,
ever onward.

8.29.12 (matchless)

i am shouting
a sound
a name.
red hair,
brown eyes,
skin that is pale.
your voice,
your scent.
the sounds
of the streets
on a warm
brooklyn night.
the taste
of cigarettes
on your lips
and mine.
an evening
long, warm.
a morning,
short, haunting.
if i could only
remember
your name.

9.18.12 (thickness)

i leave
the room
upon
your entry,
not to avoid
you
but to avoid
the words
that would be
said
if i did not.

i walk
away
not by choice
but for
you
and for
him.

none of this
is easy,
but neither
very hard
it's like
forgetting
you've
forgotten,
something you'd known
all along.

9.11.12 (barter)

rivers flowing
full of
hiding in corners
but in plain sight
picturing
all i can do.

waiting for something
anything, anyone
things to pull
to gravitate
to push me
further or farther
away.

feeling flighting
fleeting uncertainty
a wish to come home
but home is no one
and home is no where
for me

fighting to stay afloat
in a world filled with
life boats.
trying to keep up
with all of you but
i can't help
when it's sink or
swim.

trying, i guess
to do something more
to escape this pattern
this boring routine
this incessant
on and on
nothing.

haunted by hope
by time and memory
by future, by past,
knowing nothing will last
i am waiting, always waiting,
for something.

9.11.12 (oooooooooooO)

hope
it held me
like a knife
to my throat;
her name:
the apple
in my eye,
the frog
trapped
in my throat.
the knife,
it touched skin;
the apple
gone;
the frog
on the run.
still,
your name
courses
within
these veins.

9.7.12 ( wannabe strokes song)

nothing much
never a peep to say
but i
get all weird when you come my way
started soft
started like a friend
couple months
and now i want you back

well i can't say i don't miss you yet,
and i
i can't say i ain't into it
but i
i do mean it when i say
i don't want to
i don't
don't want to
no

accidental
we should have never been
friends at first
but lovers when we did
try to recover
tried to leave it all
but no one
forgave me and i can't forget it all

so
i can't say i don't miss you yet
and i
i can't say i ain't into it
but i
i do mean it when i say
i don't want to
i don't
don't want to
no

take me far
take me far from here
forget my future
tell em that i'm weird
erase my sorrow
please erase my past
cause if you don't
i fear in this town i will not last
no!

i can't say
say i don't miss you yet
and i
i can't say i ain't into it
but i
i do meant it when i say
i don't want to
i don't
don't want to
no
i don't want to
i don't
don't want to
no no!

9.2.12 (squeak)

from
chapped lips,
squeak
words.
quiet,
but steady.
chatter
incessantly
filling
the
creaks
and
cracks
of these
lost walls.
waves
of
cold
and warmth
bombarding.
still,
yes,
still.

9.2.12 (forests, from dust)

forests
from dust
and
still
one sound
resonates
these desolate
halls.
minutes
to months
still
an image
floods
these gates.
faces,
many faces,
fill
what was left
but for
how long?
wait,
lingering.