2.18.11 (over)

dried blood on your fingers

mistaken for dirt

from cracks in your heart

that cause it to hurt

you've been working all night

to fix what you can not repair

but you try and you fail

and now you're pulling out hair

the rift it grows larger

the void filled up dark

walking quicker now

to the other end of the park

the fragments of love once there

that occupy the cracks

they gleam and they glisten

in a sickening black

you are hollow now

i still hear your name

carried from mouths by the wind

and the hair on my neck still stands for a moment

as i turn and walk away

3.2.09 (make it work)

i'm tired of this flat terrain

i need wilderness, tress, and high mountains

i need wolves and deer, and things in between

i need to see every last thing that i've never seen

no more illusions, i'll create my own

to level my mind and to ease my soul

to travel on the open road

is the only way that i'll truly feel whole

(at least i hope)

no drugs, just life, to make me high

breathe it in deep, let out a heavy sigh

to struggle much, no more than i am now

just growing whole, and tramping about

to dream is to live, live life the way you should

and so i'll try, to make this life good

2008 (about a dream where i set off in a balloon with the company of friends in search of a lost love)

i set off in my balloon

started off with a tiny crew

but soon our strength it grew and grew

and we carried on, wherever the wind blew

oh traveled far, we traveled wide

we made shapes of clouds, to pass the time

we traveled through day to night

till sun had hidden, and stars shone bright

my crew is loyal to the end

they'd go to hell for me, and back again

i'm grateful for every last one of them

i am nobody and these are my friends

1.19.11

dear friend

where did you go

you left, you took a trip

to a place you shouldn't know

and now you're lost

caught up in a mess

but we could nevereverever

stop loving you, i promise

so come on home

come back to us

just be patient my friend

we'll surround you with love

you had me scared

we've all cried

because we got a glimpse of

the pain that you held inside

please come with me

i swear we'll smile

you're everything to me

best friends for a long while

so come on home

come on back to us

just be patient my friend

we will surround you with love

don't be discouraged

i know you try

we'll do this together

you and me in time

i just want to see

your laughing face

anything to quell

sad thoughts polluting my brain

just know i love you

know that we all do

our hearts may be fragile

but they all grow anew

just come on home

come on back to us

and no matter what

we will again have fun

1.14.11 (the request)

i open my eyes

the same eyes i've always had

i see things a little different now

i don't know if that's bad

through my nostrils i breathe in

i breathe in the air

it's the only thing that

we can all agree to share

and i don't know if i'm young

but i am glad

no one likes being down

cherish all the times we've had

and the water that falls

coming down from the sky

it mirrors the rain

that falls from my eyes

so don't make me feel sad

cause i don't want to cry

and i really do love you

and i will show you when i

kiss you on your neck

and i am very grateful

i am happy i met you

you make everything too good to ever be

mad

1.5.11 (2011 doesn't feel much different)

i'm not going to pretend

that i know what's going on

and don't think for a single moment

i've forgotten what's been done

i stare out into white light

white heat to shake this mood

but the passing clouds remind me

forever always comes too soon

so i roll my body back over

and i try to fall back asleep

i cover my head with my blanket

return to some hazy dream

i'm not sure if i'm awake

and i'm not sure if i am dead

i think i've been here before

within the mess inside my head

i wake up and try to make sense

of what is real and what is not

i give up, just feeling grateful

for having all that i have got

thanks friends, thanks family

thank you to the shining sun

thank you to everything in this world

thank you every one

12.18.10 (just a passing thought)

we're all lost. some of us want to be found, and search desperately for a clue or anything to help them find their way. others realize that while they may be lost, they're not hopeless on their own. that's when they're found.

12.13.10 (sam cooke inspired song of longing and heartbreak written at 8 A.M. after having woken up at 6 A.M. and going to school on the wrong day)

there was a time when i held you close

and baby you cried, for your heart was broke

but that time has passed now, you've gone away

and i still think of you every day

oh i see you heart's beginning to grow

and deep inside it hurts me so-oh-oh

and i'm sorry if i come off unkind

because you're someone else's baby, not mine

there was a time when you were mine, all mine

but you knew something just wasn't right

you told me that i had to go-oh-oh

and don't you know, you know you hurt me so-oh-oh

well baby, i know that you've already moved on

i know you're happy, that you think he's the one

and i am sorry if i seem unkind

because you're someone else's baby, not mine

your heart will grow as time will slowly pass

and i hope you can build a love that truly lasts

as for me, i'll keep on singing my songs

and i'll keep loving you like i have all along

and i know that you have found someone new

and i hope that he can see what i've seen in you

and oh-oh-oh, i'm sorry if i have been unkind

because you're someone else's baby, not mine

because you're someone elses baby,

not mine

12.7.10 (walk)

you see the leaves

roll across the ground

you hear the trees

dancing to their sound

and then you think

where do i fit

into all of this?

(you don't)

and then you think

where do i fit

into all of this?

(at home)

you feel the breeze

breathe across your face

the cold wind, wet grass

cutting through a lonely haze

and then you think

of all the times

that you have had

(they're gone)

and then you think

of all the faces

that you've seen

(all gone)

you look up to black

see the clouds above

and in the pale moonlight you think

it's alright, you aren't in love

12.7.10 (maybe later)

from my bed

golden rays shine

through the cracks

in my blinds

the sun it dances

golden light

across your face

and in your eyes

i lay my head back

stare up into the sky

clouds waltz past my window

through blues dancing by

your head on my chest

breathing softly

i smell your hair

and close my eyes

i start to doze off

but you pinch me

and i look in those eyes

and you kiss me