bad decisions
and many drinks later
time pours from me
lost in clinks
and many more drinks.
hazy days
come forth in pairs
as i watch life
disappear at the bottom
of my glass.
9.28.12 (concern)
around
about
this distance.
i never wanted
this to be
especially
to be this way.
happy when
things carried through
though
quivering still
when i'm not
with you.
still finding ways
still running away.
still contemplating
still yes still.
all that is done,
and all that will come
will still carry through
when i'm lost in you
about
this distance.
i never wanted
this to be
especially
to be this way.
happy when
things carried through
though
quivering still
when i'm not
with you.
still finding ways
still running away.
still contemplating
still yes still.
all that is done,
and all that will come
will still carry through
when i'm lost in you
9.27.12 (exile ii)
exile...
ha!
that's rich.
like i could
harm you
in ways
i've harmed
myself.
exile...
true!
you've
done it!
how do
you feel?
oh,
you feel?
exile...
truly!
exile!
friends?
really?
really?
pain?
you don't say!
well,
there's
always
tomorrow,
right!?
ahh!
there it is!
exile!
ha!
that's rich.
like i could
harm you
in ways
i've harmed
myself.
exile...
true!
you've
done it!
how do
you feel?
oh,
you feel?
exile...
truly!
exile!
friends?
really?
really?
pain?
you don't say!
well,
there's
always
tomorrow,
right!?
ahh!
there it is!
exile!
9.27.12 (no home)
home...
home?
really,
home?
here?
no.
there?
no.
where is
there?
where is
home?
no.
not there,
nor there,
nor there.
so where?
i will tell
you
when i
figure it out
for myself.
home?
really,
home?
here?
no.
there?
no.
where is
there?
where is
home?
no.
not there,
nor there,
nor there.
so where?
i will tell
you
when i
figure it out
for myself.
9.27.12 (currently)
father?
oh, another.
father?
goodbye.
great times,
months,
years.
father?
ah, no.
arnold?
perhaps, so.
turmoil?
always.
steady ground to stand on?
sometimes.
fighting:
constant.
feelings:
always.
selfishness?
from all.
i would be lying
if i were to say
that any of this
didn't hurt.
oh, another.
father?
goodbye.
great times,
months,
years.
father?
ah, no.
arnold?
perhaps, so.
turmoil?
always.
steady ground to stand on?
sometimes.
fighting:
constant.
feelings:
always.
selfishness?
from all.
i would be lying
if i were to say
that any of this
didn't hurt.
9.27.12 (exile)
do you hear
every word i say
or do you listen to
the sounds of every day
do you hear the cries
leaving my lips
cause we can trace
the source of our unhappiness
do you understand
what really happened
do you really feel
the course of our actions
i know i do too
if you suffer
i know i do too
i'm just saying
i know what you're paying
i'm paying all my dues
maybe i'm paying more too
i just want to
smile again
i just want to
be happy to be ok
i just wish this
could go over easy
but it is hard
in exile life is uneasy
every word i say
or do you listen to
the sounds of every day
do you hear the cries
leaving my lips
cause we can trace
the source of our unhappiness
do you understand
what really happened
do you really feel
the course of our actions
i know i do too
if you suffer
i know i do too
i'm just saying
i know what you're paying
i'm paying all my dues
maybe i'm paying more too
i just want to
smile again
i just want to
be happy to be ok
i just wish this
could go over easy
but it is hard
in exile life is uneasy
9.26.12 (i'm getting very tired of this)
now i spend
a lot of time
reminding friends
of this heart of mine
that more than most
i care of hearts more
that the sting of the world
cuts to my core.
that romance is
the language i prefer
and any other words
can only deter.
to see friends suffer
is to see my own end,
because we share our hearts
to our dearest friends,
and my friends are those
who care for one another
i swear i care for you all
soon you will rediscover;
i believed in chance
i believed in longing
i believed she was lonely
i believed she was forgotten
i believed my friends were there
but i know long friendships mean more
but still it's frustrating being victim
of the stories people forever distort.
a lot of time
reminding friends
of this heart of mine
that more than most
i care of hearts more
that the sting of the world
cuts to my core.
that romance is
the language i prefer
and any other words
can only deter.
to see friends suffer
is to see my own end,
because we share our hearts
to our dearest friends,
and my friends are those
who care for one another
i swear i care for you all
soon you will rediscover;
i believed in chance
i believed in longing
i believed she was lonely
i believed she was forgotten
i believed my friends were there
but i know long friendships mean more
but still it's frustrating being victim
of the stories people forever distort.
9.26.12 (HA HA)
it's not upsetting
in the sense that
i see you
often
but that
recovery
that we know was lost
especially
in the grasps
exchanged.
i do not wish
your exile from my mind
nor your exile from my life
but i wish that forgetting
didn't mean forgetting
and that i was not made
to the villain that i am now.
in the sense that
i see you
often
but that
recovery
that we know was lost
especially
in the grasps
exchanged.
i do not wish
your exile from my mind
nor your exile from my life
but i wish that forgetting
didn't mean forgetting
and that i was not made
to the villain that i am now.
9.26.12 (friendly faces)
couple of months
and a few weaks were there
and now months have gone by
and i'm pulling out my hair
i just want to be free of
what i know has died
i know time has gone by
i know i nearly killed myself
i know you stayed here
tried to regroup what fell
and i know that we both tried
to pick up what we lost
but i know deep inside
i stay sturdy even when i lie
i want to forget you,
but i can't even when i try
so i run away again
and try to find what i
lost somewhere along the way
coming back to different things
familiar friends lacking intimacy
people i thought could carry on
i tried to repent all i could but not quite
i guess it is impossible when everyone else
falls in love at first sight
i tried to give you all distance
i tried to make it easier
to make myself less sad
i tried to not be present
to not drive you mad
i tried to make sure you could
rebuild what you had
but still i'm nothing more
than what has been
and still i must distance
or else be judged and
i don't think that it's worth it
though i might deserve it
and so i guess it's likely
that i'll leave again
and a few weaks were there
and now months have gone by
and i'm pulling out my hair
i just want to be free of
what i know has died
i know time has gone by
i know i nearly killed myself
i know you stayed here
tried to regroup what fell
and i know that we both tried
to pick up what we lost
but i know deep inside
i stay sturdy even when i lie
i want to forget you,
but i can't even when i try
so i run away again
and try to find what i
lost somewhere along the way
coming back to different things
familiar friends lacking intimacy
people i thought could carry on
i tried to repent all i could but not quite
i guess it is impossible when everyone else
falls in love at first sight
i tried to give you all distance
i tried to make it easier
to make myself less sad
i tried to not be present
to not drive you mad
i tried to make sure you could
rebuild what you had
but still i'm nothing more
than what has been
and still i must distance
or else be judged and
i don't think that it's worth it
though i might deserve it
and so i guess it's likely
that i'll leave again
9.19.12 (sea)
blood
dripping
from
words
leaving lips.
sealed in
moments,
fleeting,
still.
stolen time
from us all,
becomes
yet another
tragedy,
among a sea
of smiling faces.
dripping
from
words
leaving lips.
sealed in
moments,
fleeting,
still.
stolen time
from us all,
becomes
yet another
tragedy,
among a sea
of smiling faces.
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