Entering and exiting my lungs
Every time your eyes avoid my presence
Every kiss you turn away from
Living in a perpetual state of disarray
I’m trying to forget the moments I’m awake
7.7.17 (I've lost control)
My mind runs with the momentum
Of one million cars
Stuck in never ending traffic;
Haunted and held hostage
By the fickle remains of a
Broken youth.
I circle back and wonder:
Have I always been so
Despondent?
Was I always so easy
to cast aside?
I suppose depression works in
Different ways for
Different people.
I find mine most often in
Morning,
Or rather,
Mourning.
The weight on my chest
settles in like a
Cold bath gets tolerable
But never
Comfortable.
I tried to call a therapist today,
But the thought itself
Frightened me away.
It's as if accepting it's
Necessity
Is accepting that
I've lost control.
sorry (found, unknown date 2012)
i didn't think what we did was wrong
but maybe skewed in the wrong way
pursued what i thought was my heart
found a void years deep instead
i thought the days we spent had meant more
though i can't tell if they're worth a thing now
and the worst was when i told him "i'm sorry"
cause i knew i didn't mean it
i didn't realize i said that out loud
tears welling in my eyes
i couldn't help it because it mattered
i probably shouldn't have said it at all
broken friendships make for lost nights
ate some pills, i'm high
lost my way, for a sec, lost my mind
the second that i let her inside
fell asleep on the couch
woke up a little shuddered
cause i felt something turning
i knew things i didn't see before
dazed, i said something felt wrong
she said don't worry, it shouldn't
didn't think it really mattered
thought we were just having fun
found myself running in circles
i guess we should have seen it coming
bugs in your bed
"you can come stay with me"
buffalo 66, for a while
i should have told him "i'm sorry"
and really meant it when i said it
but how could i when nothing made sense
how could i when nothing made sense
a world turning upside down
a world turning upside down
a world folding inside out
a world folding inside out
but maybe skewed in the wrong way
pursued what i thought was my heart
found a void years deep instead
i thought the days we spent had meant more
though i can't tell if they're worth a thing now
and the worst was when i told him "i'm sorry"
cause i knew i didn't mean it
i didn't realize i said that out loud
tears welling in my eyes
i couldn't help it because it mattered
i probably shouldn't have said it at all
broken friendships make for lost nights
ate some pills, i'm high
lost my way, for a sec, lost my mind
the second that i let her inside
fell asleep on the couch
woke up a little shuddered
cause i felt something turning
i knew things i didn't see before
dazed, i said something felt wrong
she said don't worry, it shouldn't
didn't think it really mattered
thought we were just having fun
found myself running in circles
i guess we should have seen it coming
bugs in your bed
"you can come stay with me"
buffalo 66, for a while
i should have told him "i'm sorry"
and really meant it when i said it
but how could i when nothing made sense
how could i when nothing made sense
a world turning upside down
a world turning upside down
a world folding inside out
a world folding inside out
2.26.16 (surely tomorrow)
They say
It's a golden age
One of privilege
We should be excited
To be alive
But bigots are soaring in the polls
While liars continue their reign
And the money that still controls
Remains difficult to obtain
They say the food supply
Is in grave danger
They say our roads
Are on the verge of collapse
Oh! The golden age!
Sweet privelege!
They tell us we've come
A long way
That people are no longer judged
For color, or race, or religion, or sexual orientation
But alas, one click,
And you've been watching videos for an hour
The knot in your chest tighter than you can bear.
They say the 60's were much about peace
Then why are we still having this discussion
They say the world is going to be ok
But alas, a few clicks
And you're certain if not today,
Surely tomorrow
It's a golden age
One of privilege
We should be excited
To be alive
But bigots are soaring in the polls
While liars continue their reign
And the money that still controls
Remains difficult to obtain
They say the food supply
Is in grave danger
They say our roads
Are on the verge of collapse
Oh! The golden age!
Sweet privelege!
They tell us we've come
A long way
That people are no longer judged
For color, or race, or religion, or sexual orientation
But alas, one click,
And you've been watching videos for an hour
The knot in your chest tighter than you can bear.
They say the 60's were much about peace
Then why are we still having this discussion
They say the world is going to be ok
But alas, a few clicks
And you're certain if not today,
Surely tomorrow
8.11.2014 (for larry)
in dreams, i saw your eyes, cold.
in the morning, i gazed through cracked blinds, at the pale blue sky.
in the afternoon, i thought of death and of you, pale blue.
in the evening, i watched the sky grow cold, twilight.
in the night, i saw your eyes, in cloudy skies, peering through the bottom of my glass.
in time, you see, love forever lasts.
in the morning, i gazed through cracked blinds, at the pale blue sky.
in the afternoon, i thought of death and of you, pale blue.
in the evening, i watched the sky grow cold, twilight.
in the night, i saw your eyes, in cloudy skies, peering through the bottom of my glass.
in time, you see, love forever lasts.
7.24.14
a promise made
like silent vow
sprung from lips
through screams + shouts
dream together
dreams never end
silent shaping
a distant friend
still in dreams
lost in your head
losing sleep
in a strange bed
stillness grows
and weighs on your skin
strength divides
lost inside your eyes
dreams of a future
far without me
a promise fades
distant memory
like silent vow
sprung from lips
through screams + shouts
dream together
dreams never end
silent shaping
a distant friend
still in dreams
lost in your head
losing sleep
in a strange bed
stillness grows
and weighs on your skin
strength divides
lost inside your eyes
dreams of a future
far without me
a promise fades
distant memory
7.5.14
Knuckles bloodied
A tree again
Another argument
For what?
I can't recall.
I was drunk
Sober she.
In a strange town
Feeling strange.
My mouth still tastes
Like whiskey.
Three more cups of coffee
And maybe I'll wake up.
6.28.14
Some bar
Some airport
Killing time
Time kills
Eager, anxious
Still
Tired, drunk
Still.
Hours pass
Like seconds.
Future memory
Reminders past
Sitting around
Finish last.
The World Cup
Plays on the tv,
But I am elsewhere
Mind, body, nothingness.
Take me home,
Put me to bed,
And when we wake,
We will do it again.
2.8.14
Some velvet morning
Another night no sleep
The day drips past
Slip back into dreams
Among strangers
And grey skies
Pacing silently
Strange looks in their eyes
Cold morning in bed
Eyes open wide
The sun creeping through
Thinning clouds outside
Pray for an end
Dark days long nights
The weekend is coming
Everything will be alright
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