2/17/10 (the way it was like)

misery is such
a fascinating thing
 it comes and it goes
to displease as it pleases

 it clouds your mind
with thoughts of the past
fears of the future
of love that won't last

exaltation,
curious too
bursting with smiles
when i'm sitting near you

the feelings you give
they come and they pass
 you are the rain
and i'm dying grass

 breathe to me life
breathe to me joy
i try to be charming
you're being very coy

but you settle my mind
you put my thoughts at ease
your voice is so sweet
i get cavities
stay with me now
because it's getting pretty cold
your smile is enough
to keep me warm

let's sit and talk
tell me all i can hear
it doesn't matter what
just keep speaking clear

i'm stuck in your wave
no i can't get away
i've been stuck in this trance
since our very first date

so let's just stay this way
 let's just be what we are
i'll ride this thing out
no matter how far
on your wave

1/15/10 (struggling)

is this what you wanted?
is it going the way you'd planned?
what did you expect?
to suddenly be a full grown man?
do you find life fulfilling
stuck in a routine?
do you find life fulfilling
not doing anything?
this feels like an ambush
i've set for myself
i'm torturing,
i'm terrorizing
i'm raising my own hell
nothing ever feels right
will i ever find a track
on which i can live happily
and be able to smile
looking back?

2.12.10 (in regards to november 22nd)

we drove two hours out into the cold we didn't talk much as you silently drove my feet on the dash i penned out some thoughts you asked what i was doing and i said writing before i forgot later on in the theater you pulled me close you kissed my cheek rested on my shoulder but once we left you grew cold again you walked ahead talked back with disdain we left prescott, drove back down the mountains at dark we sat silently just the light of the stars then at the bus stop you were dropping me off you said you needed space again you needed to learn to be alone but one month passed and you made no progress instead you found another boy to get him out of your head is it working? are you happy? i doubt it.

2.4.10 (stars)

january first
two thousand eleven
you looked to the stars
and cursed at the heavens
you said that the world was unkind
unlike you were told
you wanted a refund
paid upfront in gold
but the heavens replied
with dark clouds in the sky
and as rain fell on your face
you slowly began to cry
so i took you inside
and i gave you a beer
i said "take it easy,
don't cry another tear!
you're much too beautiful for that
and i know this as fact!
so dry off your face,
let's forget about this place!
and i'll surround you with love!"
but you stop me and say
"that just isn't enough."

2/4/10 (lights in the skies(love song for no one inspired by flight of the conchords))

the lights in your eyes shine like stars in the sky and i'm glad to be alive in this city tonight with you the summertime air it blows waves in your hair it may not be polite but i can not help but stare at your eyes and your smile we walk arm in arm on down the avenue we laugh with each step and cry out to the moon and the stars they're reflected in your eyes they shine like the city lights and there's no place i'd rather be tonight we sit in the park exchange smiles in the dark you lean onto my shoulder and tell more of who you are in the quiet night city the light towers emitting i sing you a song and you say that it's pretty to my delight and we kiss under the moonlight i swear, it's the most beautiful sight

1.15.10 (slightly hopeful)

we try and we try
to make use of what's inside
but we look towards the past
and lose sight of what we have
with so much to look down upon
so much we can frown upon
it's easy to feel we've failed
but there's still a sun in the sky
and there's still you and i
and there will always be much more
that's worth smiling for

12/13/09 (nervous/sorry/sad/mad)

chew my nails down to the bone because i know that i'm still alone and i am heading back to my home i'm heading back to the cold these are the days it never rains, but it pours far from you, far from where it's warm i want you back each day more and more but i know that's not what i've got in store i don't want to leave i want you here with me but i don't think that will ever be

12.01.09 (going home)

if i bury my heart
in the sand
will it sprout up
whole again
will it learn
again to love
if i water
it enough
if i buy fertilizer
from the nearest
drug store
will it be stronger?
will i feel more?
you've torn it apart
with your
contagious broken heart
but i don't
hold it against you
i know your intentions
really were true
and as january
slowly nears
it all becomes
kind of clear
while this has been
a wild ride
i have tried
and tried and tried
and so time
kind of slows
as my heart
grows and grows
and i really
miss the snow
i want to be cold

11/14/09 (taking it for granted)

the world is a beautiful, ugly place we're an ungrateful, greedy, selfish race we take our lives for granted we're a fucking disgrace! we've got all the time (in the world) to ruin our lives but we ruin each others instead we fuck and destroy our heads billions of dying hearts and even more being torn apart drunk driving fucks running out of luck today is the day we all die

10/15/09 (silly sad song about what was to come)

i am a tailor of the saddest kind because the things that i create will never be mine a life of leisure a love so true a family, a career and to sail the ocean blue my hopes and dreams i sew and weave my plots and schemes i stitch and conceive but to no avail i am doomed, i am cursed, i am fated to always fail so i keep on dredging on through the night and with each passing day i construct another plight another aspiration! cursed with misfortune! but you my dear, will be my biggest disappointment because you fooled me to think i could be loved when i couldn't i could have called this from the start, but i didn't