you
and
i
have many
things
that make us
you
and
i.
i am
glad
that we
can have
that,
because
if we did not
i don't think
we could possibly
conceive
any sort
of friendship
at this point.
3.31.12 (too much)
i recall
a time,
a place,
when we
equaled one.
i recall
a time
when we
lived
as friends,
unchained
by any reservations.
i recall
a time
when we gave in
to temptation.
now
i see you
on your knees
and i
existing
outside
everything.
i truly hope
you can recover
what you lost,
because if you can't
then none of this ruin
was worth the
many days of pain.
a time,
a place,
when we
equaled one.
i recall
a time
when we
lived
as friends,
unchained
by any reservations.
i recall
a time
when we gave in
to temptation.
now
i see you
on your knees
and i
existing
outside
everything.
i truly hope
you can recover
what you lost,
because if you can't
then none of this ruin
was worth the
many days of pain.
3.31.12 (sunk)
and of course
i remembered
something
i could never
forget.
how could i
lose
a year of life
from one
i once called
my only.
yet still
it seems
so
insignificant,
while meaning
every bit
i can find
in this world.
i remembered
something
i could never
forget.
how could i
lose
a year of life
from one
i once called
my only.
yet still
it seems
so
insignificant,
while meaning
every bit
i can find
in this world.
3.31.12 (tabs)
that's nice
for now
when you
find
that all
the people
that seem
like they hold
no reservations
have tabs
on every
single
person
that you could
ever know
and that
no one
goes
without reputation
in this
forsaken
high school
of a place.
for now
when you
find
that all
the people
that seem
like they hold
no reservations
have tabs
on every
single
person
that you could
ever know
and that
no one
goes
without reputation
in this
forsaken
high school
of a place.
3.29.12 (runner)
i want to
live
in a place
where
no two houses
look the same.
i want to
live
in a place
where
no one
knows
my name.
i want to
live
in a place,
untouched
by fortune or
fame.
i want to
live
in a place,
and leave
quick
as i came.
live
in a place
where
no two houses
look the same.
i want to
live
in a place
where
no one
knows
my name.
i want to
live
in a place,
untouched
by fortune or
fame.
i want to
live
in a place,
and leave
quick
as i came.
3.29.12 (mountains)
the four brothers
and sisters,
loom above
to the north,
their mother
to the south,
and the father
above,
and we
lie in the
middle,
safe,
from harm.
and sisters,
loom above
to the north,
their mother
to the south,
and the father
above,
and we
lie in the
middle,
safe,
from harm.
3.29.12 (blood)
our blood
is full
of love.
it has
been this way
since the
earliest
times
of man.
our hearts
wither
and
falter
in the face
of loss,
and our
blood
weakens,
and so
do we,
but hope
is never
lost,
because
love
will forever
come
and go
but our
hearts,
will beat on
regardless.
is full
of love.
it has
been this way
since the
earliest
times
of man.
our hearts
wither
and
falter
in the face
of loss,
and our
blood
weakens,
and so
do we,
but hope
is never
lost,
because
love
will forever
come
and go
but our
hearts,
will beat on
regardless.
3.29.12 (will)
our will
to live
is implied
in each
passing day
we succeed
in doing so,
regretfully,
or willingly.
to live
is implied
in each
passing day
we succeed
in doing so,
regretfully,
or willingly.
3.29.12 (fog)
to my
dismay
have i
felt
the consequence
of being
trapped
in the
fog
of love.
true,
i wandered
alongside
the edge,
tempting it
to overcome me,
and so
it did,
then left,
quick
as it came.
dismay
have i
felt
the consequence
of being
trapped
in the
fog
of love.
true,
i wandered
alongside
the edge,
tempting it
to overcome me,
and so
it did,
then left,
quick
as it came.
3.29.12 (to the love unknown (future) (part of an upcoming project))
to the one who has captured my heart,
so many days have i waited, and through many have i waded, to find you. until you, my skin did not know warmth, not until it felt your touch. until you, my eyes did not see the warm, golden glow of the sun, not until i saw it reflected in the hues of your eyes. until you, i did not hear, nor could i admire, the songs of the birds, until they joined your voice. for you have i lived every moment. for you have i gained any achievement. for you i have worked, to be a man worthy in your eyes, for your love. for you will i die, for your honor, for your safety, forever. for you have i waited, and every moment has been worth it, if just to feel the warmth of your body next to mine, if just to feel my palm graze your cheek, if just to hear you breathe. for you, will i reserve my love until the end of time. until the world and more sink into nothingness, our hearts will beat, together.
so many days have i waited, and through many have i waded, to find you. until you, my skin did not know warmth, not until it felt your touch. until you, my eyes did not see the warm, golden glow of the sun, not until i saw it reflected in the hues of your eyes. until you, i did not hear, nor could i admire, the songs of the birds, until they joined your voice. for you have i lived every moment. for you have i gained any achievement. for you i have worked, to be a man worthy in your eyes, for your love. for you will i die, for your honor, for your safety, forever. for you have i waited, and every moment has been worth it, if just to feel the warmth of your body next to mine, if just to feel my palm graze your cheek, if just to hear you breathe. for you, will i reserve my love until the end of time. until the world and more sink into nothingness, our hearts will beat, together.
forever yours,
a lover unknown
3.29.12 (to love present (part of an upcoming project))
to my once friend,
there is a beauty found within the contents of every mess created, ours is no exception. we created something we had never intended to, crafted through smiles and laughter, through innocent jokes and warm embraces. we built a tower of twigs, next to one of logs, then destroyed the two. try as i might, i cannot help but harbor a sliver of ill will: a splinter from the twigs. i fear now i cannot return to the innocence of days past. i've been left with a feeling, in the pit of my chest, and that wretched splinter. i feel the wind blowing against my back, and i know it is time for me to leave once more. perhaps i will see you sometime, in light old or new, but know, i won't be returning any time soon.
there is a beauty found within the contents of every mess created, ours is no exception. we created something we had never intended to, crafted through smiles and laughter, through innocent jokes and warm embraces. we built a tower of twigs, next to one of logs, then destroyed the two. try as i might, i cannot help but harbor a sliver of ill will: a splinter from the twigs. i fear now i cannot return to the innocence of days past. i've been left with a feeling, in the pit of my chest, and that wretched splinter. i feel the wind blowing against my back, and i know it is time for me to leave once more. perhaps i will see you sometime, in light old or new, but know, i won't be returning any time soon.
with love, forever,
your once friend
3.29.12 (to my past lover (part of an upcoming project))
to the one i knew,
when two things collide, it can either be a miracle, or a disaster. letting go was never easy. i know no bad intentions existed, and no ill will remains, but like all things in this world, we too had to end. i point no fingers; you have crafted a new life for yourself, and i have crafted something new as well. i do not think of you that often, but when i do, something inside me stirs. nothing good, or bad, but like the vibration of a limb i once had that is no longer there. i still hold your presence in my heart, but it remains in the darkest corner, to never be found again.
when two things collide, it can either be a miracle, or a disaster. letting go was never easy. i know no bad intentions existed, and no ill will remains, but like all things in this world, we too had to end. i point no fingers; you have crafted a new life for yourself, and i have crafted something new as well. i do not think of you that often, but when i do, something inside me stirs. nothing good, or bad, but like the vibration of a limb i once had that is no longer there. i still hold your presence in my heart, but it remains in the darkest corner, to never be found again.
formerly yours,
the one you once knew
3.29.12 (exit)
set fire
to the things
i own,
before they
crumble and decay
out of neglect.
set fire
to the friends
i have known,
before i lose them
or wrong them
or worse,
or lose their trust.
set fire to
me,
before i
do it on
accident,
or
find
the courage
to do so
myself.
to the things
i own,
before they
crumble and decay
out of neglect.
set fire
to the friends
i have known,
before i lose them
or wrong them
or worse,
or lose their trust.
set fire to
me,
before i
do it on
accident,
or
find
the courage
to do so
myself.
3.29.12 (a momentary break in the clouds)
sometimes
i love
the world
outside
my door.
full of
infinite
possibilities,
infinite
beauty,
infinitely.
sometimes
i am
afraid
of the world
outside
my head,
because it
contains
so many things
that i cannot
control.
sometimes
i wish
things
were easier
but sometimes
easy
just isn't
worth it.
i love
the world
outside
my door.
full of
infinite
possibilities,
infinite
beauty,
infinitely.
sometimes
i am
afraid
of the world
outside
my head,
because it
contains
so many things
that i cannot
control.
sometimes
i wish
things
were easier
but sometimes
easy
just isn't
worth it.
3.29.12 (library)
i rented
another book
from the
library.
another
marquez.
he seems
to allow me
to escape
madness
into a world
where dreams
stand a chance
at defeating
reality.
another book
from the
library.
another
marquez.
he seems
to allow me
to escape
madness
into a world
where dreams
stand a chance
at defeating
reality.
3.29.12 (1+2=1/2)
its strange,
i lay
in bed
tonight,
while wishing
to apologize
for the neglect
i have been
responsible for,
but it was
different
hearing the sounds
of someone else
moving about
the place
i was so sure
i occupied
alone.
i lay
in bed
tonight,
while wishing
to apologize
for the neglect
i have been
responsible for,
but it was
different
hearing the sounds
of someone else
moving about
the place
i was so sure
i occupied
alone.
3.29.12 (lone)
i hate it
but i know
i cannot
live alone,
yet i am
still
inclined
to shut everyone
out
and close my
door
to be alone.
but i know
i cannot
live alone,
yet i am
still
inclined
to shut everyone
out
and close my
door
to be alone.
3.29.12 (tin-can telephone)
i feel
as if
i could
run around
shouting
in the face
of every person
in every town
in every country
and still
no one
would hear
the words
leaving my
lips,
not even
the ones
that once
loved me
or that i
once loved.
as if
i could
run around
shouting
in the face
of every person
in every town
in every country
and still
no one
would hear
the words
leaving my
lips,
not even
the ones
that once
loved me
or that i
once loved.
3.28.12 (adj.)
restless
indecisive
guilty
anxious
exhausted
melancholy
lonesome
longing
feverish
wistful
antisocial
disconnected
misinterpreted
misinformed
missed
missing
lost
3.28.12 (static)
last night
while lying
in bed
trying to sleep,
i remembered
why drinking
always seems
like a good idea:
i don't have
to listen
to my thoughts,
and i can
sleep
a whole night
through.
while lying
in bed
trying to sleep,
i remembered
why drinking
always seems
like a good idea:
i don't have
to listen
to my thoughts,
and i can
sleep
a whole night
through.
3.27.12 (injustice)
i've been thinking
and drinking
and i wonder
if i should just
accept fate
and either
lie in the nearest
trash heap
or buy a new
neck tie
to hang myself with
each day
until the weekend
for the rest of my days.
and drinking
and i wonder
if i should just
accept fate
and either
lie in the nearest
trash heap
or buy a new
neck tie
to hang myself with
each day
until the weekend
for the rest of my days.
3.27.12 (weather)
sitting
on the curb
waiting
and suddenly
this coffee
doesn't taste
like a
miracle
at all
and this all
just feels
like a curse.
on the curb
waiting
and suddenly
this coffee
doesn't taste
like a
miracle
at all
and this all
just feels
like a curse.
3.27.12 (crooked)
this
crooked
indifference
that
lingers
on my skin
and
clings
to my bones
has crippled me
and made
everything good
taste
much less sweet
and much more
sour.
crooked
indifference
that
lingers
on my skin
and
clings
to my bones
has crippled me
and made
everything good
taste
much less sweet
and much more
sour.
3.27.12 (difficult)
i want to
try
and be
more diligent,
but its hard
for me
to try
doing something
that doesn't
make me
happy
or even
in the slightest
bit
nostalgic
for a time
when i was.
try
and be
more diligent,
but its hard
for me
to try
doing something
that doesn't
make me
happy
or even
in the slightest
bit
nostalgic
for a time
when i was.
3.27.12 (deceit)
you know
the worst
part
in all
of this
is that
i thought
there was
something
but now
it feels
as if
we were
strangers
all along.
the worst
part
in all
of this
is that
i thought
there was
something
but now
it feels
as if
we were
strangers
all along.
3.27.12 (past)
some call this
feeling
love
but it has only
weakened me
in past
and in passing.
years pass
and still
a name
or a sound
or a smell
in passing
could change
everything
for a moment,
perhaps more,
but cease
in the next.
such fleeting
moments
are crippling.
feeling
love
but it has only
weakened me
in past
and in passing.
years pass
and still
a name
or a sound
or a smell
in passing
could change
everything
for a moment,
perhaps more,
but cease
in the next.
such fleeting
moments
are crippling.
3.27.12 (interest)
it is
almost
funny
to me
how quickly
a woman
becomes
unattractive
to me
just based
on their
behaviors
and their
words.
i've been told
that this is
a good thing,
yet my friends
that think
otherwise
they seem
to go home
smiling,
in pursuit,
and i wake up
alone,
fully-clothed
with no recollection
of the night before.
almost
funny
to me
how quickly
a woman
becomes
unattractive
to me
just based
on their
behaviors
and their
words.
i've been told
that this is
a good thing,
yet my friends
that think
otherwise
they seem
to go home
smiling,
in pursuit,
and i wake up
alone,
fully-clothed
with no recollection
of the night before.
3.27.12 (cb)
well buk
i know
and i have
hoped
that we
are not
the same,
but hell,
don't i know
people
are despicable
and art
is shit.
i'm glad
i never
had the
opportunity
to meet you,
because seeing
myself in another,
or seeing you
in me,
would have made
all of this
much less
worthwhile.
i know
and i have
hoped
that we
are not
the same,
but hell,
don't i know
people
are despicable
and art
is shit.
i'm glad
i never
had the
opportunity
to meet you,
because seeing
myself in another,
or seeing you
in me,
would have made
all of this
much less
worthwhile.
3.27.12 (toy)
does it
feel
good
or at all
to be
an object
in so many
eyes?
does it
soak in
the same?
or do you
crave
the
attention
to satisfy
some inward
desire?
i can't help
but wonder
if you are
over-saturated
with eyes.
feel
good
or at all
to be
an object
in so many
eyes?
does it
soak in
the same?
or do you
crave
the
attention
to satisfy
some inward
desire?
i can't help
but wonder
if you are
over-saturated
with eyes.
3.26.12 (idiot)
human?
not.
not like that.
not like you.
not even like
myself.
i am just
something.
not like
a person
but something;
living,
moving,
hardly feeling.
just watching
through someone else's
eyes.
like staring at a tv.
living,
moving,
feeling.
not.
not like that.
not like you.
not even like
myself.
i am just
something.
not like
a person
but something;
living,
moving,
hardly feeling.
just watching
through someone else's
eyes.
like staring at a tv.
living,
moving,
feeling.
3.26.12 (hope)
i swear,
all i've
ever wanted
is to feel
the need
to stay
but it never
comes
so i keep
chasing
the setting sun,
hoping
for something
to seem
worthwhile.
all i've
ever wanted
is to feel
the need
to stay
but it never
comes
so i keep
chasing
the setting sun,
hoping
for something
to seem
worthwhile.
3.26.12 (desire)
desire.
a wish.
a wish
for a joy
unfettered
by the
ravages
of time
and love.
a life
free
and
easy.
times that
feel.
real.
a sense
of lightness
so that breathing
doesn't feel
so heavy.
all i wish for
is to live
and be ok
with just that.
a wish.
a wish
for a joy
unfettered
by the
ravages
of time
and love.
a life
free
and
easy.
times that
feel.
real.
a sense
of lightness
so that breathing
doesn't feel
so heavy.
all i wish for
is to live
and be ok
with just that.
3.25.12 (memoriam)
your birthday
will be here
soon.
i was thinking
the other day
about
when it happened.
chicago,
september.
you were coming
to see me
in a week
and i was
sitting around
waiting.
i answered
and you were
crying
and i knew
something
was amiss.
you told me
and i didn't
sleep
for a few nights.
i couldn't eat
i could barely
move.
it was a feeling
i had never dreamed
could exist,
but it does
and it happens.
then i recall
nearly two years later
the messages passed
of lustful desire
and though i knew
it would not be pleasant
to sleep next to you once more
was enticing enough,
but when we tried
to make love
there was no love
and i could not complete
or sleep,
so i laid there
for hours,
until i could not take it
and i woke you up
and we tried again
but this time it wasn't love
this was just a fuck
and i could do that.
when you dropped me off
we hugged,
and i think that
was the last time
i would ever do that.
even so,
i still hope
you have
a happy birthday.
will be here
soon.
i was thinking
the other day
about
when it happened.
chicago,
september.
you were coming
to see me
in a week
and i was
sitting around
waiting.
i answered
and you were
crying
and i knew
something
was amiss.
you told me
and i didn't
sleep
for a few nights.
i couldn't eat
i could barely
move.
it was a feeling
i had never dreamed
could exist,
but it does
and it happens.
then i recall
nearly two years later
the messages passed
of lustful desire
and though i knew
it would not be pleasant
to sleep next to you once more
was enticing enough,
but when we tried
to make love
there was no love
and i could not complete
or sleep,
so i laid there
for hours,
until i could not take it
and i woke you up
and we tried again
but this time it wasn't love
this was just a fuck
and i could do that.
when you dropped me off
we hugged,
and i think that
was the last time
i would ever do that.
even so,
i still hope
you have
a happy birthday.
3.25.12 (in bad dreams)
pretend
you spat out
onto
the ground
and saw
an image
in a cloud
and for
an instant
you thought
that something
was more
than it was,
then immediately
knew
it wasn't.
you spat out
onto
the ground
and saw
an image
in a cloud
and for
an instant
you thought
that something
was more
than it was,
then immediately
knew
it wasn't.
3.25.12 (doubts)
i don't believe
in love.
i think.
i read
in books
that it can
save me,
but i also
read
that it will
destroy me,
and i believe
the latter,
a lot more
than the former,
because that
is much more
apparent,
always.
in love.
i think.
i read
in books
that it can
save me,
but i also
read
that it will
destroy me,
and i believe
the latter,
a lot more
than the former,
because that
is much more
apparent,
always.
3.25.12 (transgressions)
i am
the worst
type of person.
i have ruined
more than one,
i have
burned
some bridges
i found nearest
to my heart
to try and make
my heart
actually feel,
and hers too,
because i thought
we were broken
the same,
but in turn
i have done
quite the opposite
and now
i feel much less
than i have
in days past.
sorry,
i cry too.
the worst
type of person.
i have ruined
more than one,
i have
burned
some bridges
i found nearest
to my heart
to try and make
my heart
actually feel,
and hers too,
because i thought
we were broken
the same,
but in turn
i have done
quite the opposite
and now
i feel much less
than i have
in days past.
sorry,
i cry too.
3.25.12 (disconnect)
going home
doesn't seem
like an
option
but more so
like what must
be done
in order
to retrieve
something
once lost?
or maybe
i'm just
making excuses
because
i meet so many
despicable
humans
here
and
there
that i can't trust
anyone.
i don't want
to run,
but here
almost seems
worse
than there,
because there are
so many,
that desire only
pleasures
of flesh,
and i want
everything.
i want everything.
doesn't seem
like an
option
but more so
like what must
be done
in order
to retrieve
something
once lost?
or maybe
i'm just
making excuses
because
i meet so many
despicable
humans
here
and
there
that i can't trust
anyone.
i don't want
to run,
but here
almost seems
worse
than there,
because there are
so many,
that desire only
pleasures
of flesh,
and i want
everything.
i want everything.
3.25.12 (ah, ooohh, ahhhh)
honestly
i have nothing
to say
to you
at this point
other than
are you
fucking
kidding me?
3.24.12 (motivation block)
bones
they rattle
and
heart
it races.
achy joints
all over
and many
scarred up faces.
my hands
are calloused
from work
or neglect,
because one
can only care
so much
while unable to rest.
they rattle
and
heart
it races.
achy joints
all over
and many
scarred up faces.
my hands
are calloused
from work
or neglect,
because one
can only care
so much
while unable to rest.
3.24.12 (bored)
it really is
easier
to sing
a sad song,
but when
there is no
music
to sing with
or dance to,
what then?
i've been trying
to figure it out,
but so far
all i've managed
to do is
walk around
in circles.
easier
to sing
a sad song,
but when
there is no
music
to sing with
or dance to,
what then?
i've been trying
to figure it out,
but so far
all i've managed
to do is
walk around
in circles.
3.24.12 (aimless)
aimlessness
or rather
feeling
that way
or this way.
the restlessness
that comes
with indecision;
i spend my days
wondering,
contemplating,
and my nights
pacing,
hoping.
there is always
two sides
to a coin,
and i hear
the grass is
greener
somewhere.
or rather
feeling
that way
or this way.
the restlessness
that comes
with indecision;
i spend my days
wondering,
contemplating,
and my nights
pacing,
hoping.
there is always
two sides
to a coin,
and i hear
the grass is
greener
somewhere.
3.24.12 (stop)
the only thing
that is comforting
for me to fall asleep to
is the thought
that when i wake up
i will want to do something
other than sit around
and think about times past.
3.22.12 (rant)
I don't understand people. The ones that have their headphones in their ears at all times: a father with his son, a boy with his lover, a friend among friends... It confounds me. Is it that unbearable to be in the presence of those whom you supposedly love? Life is so fucked.
3.22.12 (leap year)
i recall
that night
vividly:
the bar,
the drinks,
the walk home,
the turning point.
we arrived,
you showered.
i lay in bed,
drowsy, drunk,
but patient;
your presence
was enough.
the next morning
things had changed:
no longer
smiling, or
light-hearted,
but flooded
with guilt
and doubt.
you were
changed.
months later
i cannot forget.
i only hope
you recall
that night
and the nights
preceeding
as fondly
as i do.
that night
vividly:
the bar,
the drinks,
the walk home,
the turning point.
we arrived,
you showered.
i lay in bed,
drowsy, drunk,
but patient;
your presence
was enough.
the next morning
things had changed:
no longer
smiling, or
light-hearted,
but flooded
with guilt
and doubt.
you were
changed.
months later
i cannot forget.
i only hope
you recall
that night
and the nights
preceeding
as fondly
as i do.
3.22.12 (old)
old age
horrifies me.
i try to
believe
that it comes
with a
serene grace,
but then i see:
hair from every pore,
skin discolored,
walks with limps,
slow, unsure movements.
is it possible
to survive
happily
being so
decrepit?
even more so
than now?
the question
and image
haunt me.
perhaps
i too
will share
the fate of
jeremiah de saint-amour
horrifies me.
i try to
believe
that it comes
with a
serene grace,
but then i see:
hair from every pore,
skin discolored,
walks with limps,
slow, unsure movements.
is it possible
to survive
happily
being so
decrepit?
even more so
than now?
the question
and image
haunt me.
perhaps
i too
will share
the fate of
jeremiah de saint-amour
3.21.12 (jokes)
funny
how your
words
become
irrelevant
when you
speak
from your
heart
and
everyone else
speaks
from their
cocks.
how your
words
become
irrelevant
when you
speak
from your
heart
and
everyone else
speaks
from their
cocks.
3.21.12 (confession pt. 2)
personalities:
diluted.
friendships:
polluted.
intentions:
misconstrued.
thoughts of love:
discontinued.
moving on:
not quite.
cautious friendship:
nowhere near right.
feeling tense:
all the time.
emotional influx:
greater than any crime.
anxiety peaks:
always pacing.
heart it jumps:
and so it's racing.
i'll call it love:
if not i am blind.
although i try not to:
still i think of you all the time.
supposed to move on:
so i drink a bit more.
but my friends do encourage:
the pursuit of some whore.
yet i've never cared:
to be on the hunt.
because all i have wanted:
is to love some one.
diluted.
friendships:
polluted.
intentions:
misconstrued.
thoughts of love:
discontinued.
moving on:
not quite.
cautious friendship:
nowhere near right.
feeling tense:
all the time.
emotional influx:
greater than any crime.
anxiety peaks:
always pacing.
heart it jumps:
and so it's racing.
i'll call it love:
if not i am blind.
although i try not to:
still i think of you all the time.
supposed to move on:
so i drink a bit more.
but my friends do encourage:
the pursuit of some whore.
yet i've never cared:
to be on the hunt.
because all i have wanted:
is to love some one.
3.21.12 (misunderstandings)
i understand
the precept
of wanting to
fuck
just to
fuck,
but is it
so strange,
that i am
not interested
in fucking
without feeling?
the precept
of wanting to
fuck
just to
fuck,
but is it
so strange,
that i am
not interested
in fucking
without feeling?
3.20.12 (symmetry)
like pieces
of a puzzle
our bodies
became
entangled,
and for one
fleeting moment
we were not
as two,
but one.
we were
whole.
3.20.12 (reflect)
i remember
desparation,
lonely nights;
your tone had changed:
no longer loving,
regretful, apologetic,
but cold,
distant.
your words
like daggers
broke through me,
and i broke some things
that night
so they would mirror
my broken heart.
3.20.12 (on)
this is shit.
i accept one reality,
only to forget
why i've been
bothering to care
in the first place.
i'd say i'm stuck,
but i know otherwise.
i just don't know
what to do
from here.
i accept one reality,
only to forget
why i've been
bothering to care
in the first place.
i'd say i'm stuck,
but i know otherwise.
i just don't know
what to do
from here.
3.20.12 (hard times)
hard times
come around
too often.
i just can't seem
to get things
right.
so i turn away,
lock myself
in my room,
drink myself stupid,
hoping to stumble
onto a miracle
or for this feeling
to just go away.
come around
too often.
i just can't seem
to get things
right.
so i turn away,
lock myself
in my room,
drink myself stupid,
hoping to stumble
onto a miracle
or for this feeling
to just go away.
3.20.12 (truant)
feeling
absent
from the
events
of everyday
normalcy.
minutes
feel like
years
and i feel
like i'm
watching
the things
happening
to me
on a television
that i can't
turn off.
absent
from the
events
of everyday
normalcy.
minutes
feel like
years
and i feel
like i'm
watching
the things
happening
to me
on a television
that i can't
turn off.
3.20.12 (woof)
drinking
warps things
or at least
it has come to
and now
i don't know
how i feel
because now
i can
feel one way
one moment
and completely
different
the next.
warps things
or at least
it has come to
and now
i don't know
how i feel
because now
i can
feel one way
one moment
and completely
different
the next.
3.20.12 (these are all negative, and that sucks, and i don't like it, but that is all i feel right now, and i don't want to wake up for school, or go to work, but i have to do both, and i don't like that either)
i don't trust
you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you.
so really
what do i have?
a lifetime of
confusion?
i'm already
lost,
how much worse
could it get?
you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you
or you.
so really
what do i have?
a lifetime of
confusion?
i'm already
lost,
how much worse
could it get?
3.20.12 (spirit)
i'm going to sleep
and hope that i wake up
feeling better
like countless nights
that i've hoped before
and countless mournings
i've felt the same
sometimes worse
but i'm still hoping
hoping always.
and hope that i wake up
feeling better
like countless nights
that i've hoped before
and countless mournings
i've felt the same
sometimes worse
but i'm still hoping
hoping always.
3.20.12 (downward)
homeless
hopeless
heartless
you know this
hoping for something
a light to guide me out
but still it hasn't come
regardless of screams and shouts
i'd say i can wait
but my patience runs thin
because losing all the time
causes all light to dim
and slowly but surely
i see it erase my sunshine
and slowly but surely
my heart grows more and more blind
hopeless
heartless
you know this
hoping for something
a light to guide me out
but still it hasn't come
regardless of screams and shouts
i'd say i can wait
but my patience runs thin
because losing all the time
causes all light to dim
and slowly but surely
i see it erase my sunshine
and slowly but surely
my heart grows more and more blind
3.20.12 (obliterated)
none of this
feels real
this doesn't feel
like this is my room
or that i live in this body
or that i'm seeing anything
or that these are my friends
or that i once loved
anything
or anyone
what is this
that is going on
i don't remember
this happening before
maybe it hasn't
but i feel lonelier
and i feel like
i care less
about what is happening
because this doesn't feel
like it's my life anymore.
feels real
this doesn't feel
like this is my room
or that i live in this body
or that i'm seeing anything
or that these are my friends
or that i once loved
anything
or anyone
what is this
that is going on
i don't remember
this happening before
maybe it hasn't
but i feel lonelier
and i feel like
i care less
about what is happening
because this doesn't feel
like it's my life anymore.
3.20.12 (eject)
what do you do
when you lose feeling?
not physically,
but in the sense of
losing the way
you felt once before.
do you find a new way
to feel the same way,
or does it feel different,
or similar?
what does it even mean
to feel
beyond feeling
physical?
do you feel
the same way
that i do?
do we even
feel at all?
what the fuck
is going on
right now?
when you lose feeling?
not physically,
but in the sense of
losing the way
you felt once before.
do you find a new way
to feel the same way,
or does it feel different,
or similar?
what does it even mean
to feel
beyond feeling
physical?
do you feel
the same way
that i do?
do we even
feel at all?
what the fuck
is going on
right now?
3.19.12 (if i could share)
the yearning
for nights long
and days longer
in a place
i've never been
with faces
i've never known
with wind
in my hair
and sun
warming my bones.
i want this back,
more than anything else.
for nights long
and days longer
in a place
i've never been
with faces
i've never known
with wind
in my hair
and sun
warming my bones.
i want this back,
more than anything else.
3.19.12 (frog, apple, heart)
the lump
that's been stuck
in the back
of my throat
hasn't gotten smaller
but it's gotten a bit
easier
to speak past it
though my voice
has grown weaker
it is still there
and it is still
speaking truth
the best i know.
that's been stuck
in the back
of my throat
hasn't gotten smaller
but it's gotten a bit
easier
to speak past it
though my voice
has grown weaker
it is still there
and it is still
speaking truth
the best i know.
3.19.12 (in passing)
picking out thorns
from every bit of
flesh exposed
while arrows
pierce through
open wounds
so i pull those
out too
and do my best
to bandage
and carry on
unflinchingly
unwillingly.
from every bit of
flesh exposed
while arrows
pierce through
open wounds
so i pull those
out too
and do my best
to bandage
and carry on
unflinchingly
unwillingly.
3.19.12 (runner)
if i'm always
searching for reasons
to stay some place
then maybe that
is reason enough
to know
that this is just
another stop
on the road.
searching for reasons
to stay some place
then maybe that
is reason enough
to know
that this is just
another stop
on the road.
3.18.12 (secrets)
hidden amongst trees
are many secrets
we have tried to keep
but they crawl out of hiding
and show their ugly teeth
and spray out awful words
which were never intended
to touch the ears of
so many bystanders
but one cannot hope
to keep a secret forever
because like the many things
we wish to hold on to forever
we simply cannot
are many secrets
we have tried to keep
but they crawl out of hiding
and show their ugly teeth
and spray out awful words
which were never intended
to touch the ears of
so many bystanders
but one cannot hope
to keep a secret forever
because like the many things
we wish to hold on to forever
we simply cannot
3.18.12 (confusion)
i guess
i've gotten
what i set out
searching for
each time
i decided
to drink myself
stupid,
because now
i've lost
so many
memories
and i've got
absolutely nothing
to show for it.
i've gotten
what i set out
searching for
each time
i decided
to drink myself
stupid,
because now
i've lost
so many
memories
and i've got
absolutely nothing
to show for it.
3.18.12 (pangs of nostalgia)
suddenly
i recall a time;
north phoenix,
mid-august,
years ago,
in the middle
of the night,
her crying
and me holding,
madly in love,
hoping with every bit
of my heart
that she could
somehow
feel ok
and be happy
in a future
with or without me.
i recall a time;
north phoenix,
mid-august,
years ago,
in the middle
of the night,
her crying
and me holding,
madly in love,
hoping with every bit
of my heart
that she could
somehow
feel ok
and be happy
in a future
with or without me.
3.18.12 (bloom)
sorry,
but i'm no good
at doing anything
other than running
and i'm doing it again
and i can tell
but already
i feel less a wreck
and more a shadow,
which to me,
doesn't quite sting
as bad.
but i'm no good
at doing anything
other than running
and i'm doing it again
and i can tell
but already
i feel less a wreck
and more a shadow,
which to me,
doesn't quite sting
as bad.
3.18.12 (frustration)
my neighbor
is watching porn
at full volume
and i can't help
but wonder
where the partner is
because i'd much rather
have to deal with
trying to sleep
while
listening to
real fucking
than this bullshit.
is watching porn
at full volume
and i can't help
but wonder
where the partner is
because i'd much rather
have to deal with
trying to sleep
while
listening to
real fucking
than this bullshit.
3.18.12 (silly)
the wind
blows harsh
and hard
through the trees
outside
mirroring
the turmoil
that is rushing
in and out
of our lives
and our minds.
blows harsh
and hard
through the trees
outside
mirroring
the turmoil
that is rushing
in and out
of our lives
and our minds.
3.18.12 (bitter)
its kind of funny
how you would act
and give me the time
of day
before,
when he was gone
and now
since his return
it is as if
i never existed
and you are trying to go back
to the way things were.
if you never wanted
this to happen,
you never should have
said yes,
or spoke to me so true,
and listened to my heart,
or smiled the way you did,
or called me quite so much,
or feigned interest,
or told me that you thought
that it was over,
and that he was not interested
any longer,
if you knew at all,
that ever in your heart
you might regret any of this.
how you would act
and give me the time
of day
before,
when he was gone
and now
since his return
it is as if
i never existed
and you are trying to go back
to the way things were.
if you never wanted
this to happen,
you never should have
said yes,
or spoke to me so true,
and listened to my heart,
or smiled the way you did,
or called me quite so much,
or feigned interest,
or told me that you thought
that it was over,
and that he was not interested
any longer,
if you knew at all,
that ever in your heart
you might regret any of this.
3.18.12 (a man obsessed)
for once
in a long time
i feel
almost confident
but most of all
i feel capable
of going out
into the day
and not thinking
only of you.
in a long time
i feel
almost confident
but most of all
i feel capable
of going out
into the day
and not thinking
only of you.
3.18.12 (problems)
my stomach hurts
my head feels full
of water
like a fishbowl
full of dead fish.
i woke up this morning
and didn't remember
a thing from the night
before,
and this is one night
among many
that i cannot recall.
puking in bathroom stalls
not feeling present
in any surrounding
laying down for hours
but staring at walls.
sitting on toilets,
fighting back demons,
aching inside,
for reasons unneeded;
this is but one day
among many
that should never
have been.
my head feels full
of water
like a fishbowl
full of dead fish.
i woke up this morning
and didn't remember
a thing from the night
before,
and this is one night
among many
that i cannot recall.
puking in bathroom stalls
not feeling present
in any surrounding
laying down for hours
but staring at walls.
sitting on toilets,
fighting back demons,
aching inside,
for reasons unneeded;
this is but one day
among many
that should never
have been.
3.18.12 (over)
life
has gotten
so much easier
since i stopped
pretending
that this was
real
and started ignoring
that we were
ever anything
more than
acquaintances.
its like lee said
i'd rather be
an enemy,
than hear you call
me friend,
but i don't want
to be friends,
and i don't want
to be enemies,
so we'll just
be.
has gotten
so much easier
since i stopped
pretending
that this was
real
and started ignoring
that we were
ever anything
more than
acquaintances.
its like lee said
i'd rather be
an enemy,
than hear you call
me friend,
but i don't want
to be friends,
and i don't want
to be enemies,
so we'll just
be.
3.17.12 (well)
you and i
aren't friends
really,
we've drifted,
i mean,
we never really
were a
you and i,
but like i said
before,
none of this
meant a thing
to me,
until i heard
my name
come from those
lips.
aren't friends
really,
we've drifted,
i mean,
we never really
were a
you and i,
but like i said
before,
none of this
meant a thing
to me,
until i heard
my name
come from those
lips.
3.17.12
i don't even want to pretend like this is going to be something, because it's not, and i know i'm too drunk to begin to pretend that this is something and i have work tomorrow and i am not going because i am pretty sure i am going to puke soon because i ate very little and drank very much and am now burping and singing with fake blues feeling pretty rotten because i am pretty selfish and pretty silly and i want to be able to be motivated again, but it's so hard at this point that it's driving me mad and i can't really read what i'm typing anymore but i want you to know that if you're still reading this that i am very very very very very grateful because you make this one hundred thousand times more worth it than i could explain and suddenly any tears i may shed become droplets among rivers and seas because you all mean the world to me.
3.16.12 (oh)
so
you live
in a box
and so
do i
but mine is
left
unkempt
uncared for
while you live
in another world
in
yours
and i live here
in mine.
you live
in a box
and so
do i
but mine is
left
unkempt
uncared for
while you live
in another world
in
yours
and i live here
in mine.
3.16.12 (she)
you don't speak to me
and i don't speak to you
is this what we
are trying to do?
i wanted to tell you
the contents of my heart
but issues with timing
drew us further apart..
i'm sure i'm an idiot
wishing myself into this
but one can only hope so long
that someone hears their wish.
so i do the only thing i know
that will keep me on a plane
drinking until i am stupid
so i don't miss you quite the same.
and i don't speak to you
is this what we
are trying to do?
i wanted to tell you
the contents of my heart
but issues with timing
drew us further apart..
i'm sure i'm an idiot
wishing myself into this
but one can only hope so long
that someone hears their wish.
so i do the only thing i know
that will keep me on a plane
drinking until i am stupid
so i don't miss you quite the same.
3.16.12 (god damn it)
when does this
become ok?
living in a place
where people
aren't true
and when you yourself
aren't true
and you go to sleep
unhappy
and wake up
unhappy.
when does this
come to a ground
we can find common?
never, if ever?
become ok?
living in a place
where people
aren't true
and when you yourself
aren't true
and you go to sleep
unhappy
and wake up
unhappy.
when does this
come to a ground
we can find common?
never, if ever?
3.15.12 (crawl)
when we are
feeling low,
how the time
drudges on
so slowly.
it's nearly
unbearable.
every minute,
every second,
can be felt
rattling through
each of my bones,
reminding me
that time will
crawl on,
and i've no choice
but to do the same.
feeling low,
how the time
drudges on
so slowly.
it's nearly
unbearable.
every minute,
every second,
can be felt
rattling through
each of my bones,
reminding me
that time will
crawl on,
and i've no choice
but to do the same.
3.15.12 (silence)
this is truly
something else
because i have
grown used to
you either
speaking to me
and making me laugh
and making me smile
or not talking to me
at all,
and i think that this
is far worse
than if you were
to abandon me
wholeheartedly,
because at least then
i would know
how you feel
for once.
something else
because i have
grown used to
you either
speaking to me
and making me laugh
and making me smile
or not talking to me
at all,
and i think that this
is far worse
than if you were
to abandon me
wholeheartedly,
because at least then
i would know
how you feel
for once.
3.15.12 (sick)
time
it moves
faster than we.
i hate
how long
i am torn,
and sullen,
and rendered
immobile,
because
in the
mean time,
i am
waiting
for time
to slow
back down
to a pace
that i can
follow.
it moves
faster than we.
i hate
how long
i am torn,
and sullen,
and rendered
immobile,
because
in the
mean time,
i am
waiting
for time
to slow
back down
to a pace
that i can
follow.
3.15.12 (puke)
illusions
and people
disillusioned.
tears streaming
down their faces
or through their minds.
a moment of peace
disrupted by acts,
of what one sees as
feeling
and another sees as
desire.
beneath both,
the ground trembles,
as everyone tries
to find even ground.
and people
disillusioned.
tears streaming
down their faces
or through their minds.
a moment of peace
disrupted by acts,
of what one sees as
feeling
and another sees as
desire.
beneath both,
the ground trembles,
as everyone tries
to find even ground.
3.15.12 (haha)
you know
it's kind of funny
the way that
everyone
assumes
this happened
heartlessly,
when really
it has torn from me
what i had left
of a heart
and left me
running around
searching in the dark.
it's kind of funny
the way that
everyone
assumes
this happened
heartlessly,
when really
it has torn from me
what i had left
of a heart
and left me
running around
searching in the dark.
3.14.12 (mind)
i cannot
escape
the thoughts
that stay parked
in the forward part
of my brain.
they're mostly of
one,
and even when
i am not a
drunken idiot,
an image haunts me:
a voice,
a laugh,
a feeling.
i don't know
if this is
bad,
but i do know
that i'll keep drinking,
trying to forget,
until it either
disappears,
or drives me mad.
escape
the thoughts
that stay parked
in the forward part
of my brain.
they're mostly of
one,
and even when
i am not a
drunken idiot,
an image haunts me:
a voice,
a laugh,
a feeling.
i don't know
if this is
bad,
but i do know
that i'll keep drinking,
trying to forget,
until it either
disappears,
or drives me mad.
3.14.12 (π)
a day
with smiles,
with friends,
with the sun,
is worth all
of the bad days
spent sulking,
regretting,
withering,
because without them,
a day like today
would not taste
so sweet.
with smiles,
with friends,
with the sun,
is worth all
of the bad days
spent sulking,
regretting,
withering,
because without them,
a day like today
would not taste
so sweet.
3.13.12 (fulfillment?)
wandering about
aimlessly,
another late night,
and another afternoon
in bed.
i can hear
the neighbors
fucking
and all i want
is to fall back
asleep
and dream
a little
longer.
aimlessly,
another late night,
and another afternoon
in bed.
i can hear
the neighbors
fucking
and all i want
is to fall back
asleep
and dream
a little
longer.
3.11.12 (hungover)
i really need to stop
drinking.
forgetfulness
is too common
these days.
i've been running around
setting fire to everything.
cleaning this up
is all i can do,
then maybe move on
past what happened
and on to whatever
might happen next,
because while we wait
the trash smells worse
each passing day.
drinking.
forgetfulness
is too common
these days.
i've been running around
setting fire to everything.
cleaning this up
is all i can do,
then maybe move on
past what happened
and on to whatever
might happen next,
because while we wait
the trash smells worse
each passing day.
3.11.12 (another)
the hardest
part
of now,
or then,
or later,
is realizing
that no matter
how much
you think
you might
love someone
they might not
love you
the same.
part
of now,
or then,
or later,
is realizing
that no matter
how much
you think
you might
love someone
they might not
love you
the same.
3.11.12 (i like this idea of freehanding writing, although i hate that i only do it when i'm drunk, and this is getting repetitive, and i don't know who reads this, but i'm sorry you have to deal with this)
i've been driven
mad.
i've felt the warm touch
of the sun.
the fingers of a light
i thought i once knew
grazed the skin on my face
and now, i don't know.
a moment of bliss,
i knew that was all
i would be allowed.
like florentino,
i wished to live,
on that river,
for eternity...
because one can find
what one see's
as eternity,
perhaps many times,
but when one finds it,
we never wish to let it go.
mad.
i've felt the warm touch
of the sun.
the fingers of a light
i thought i once knew
grazed the skin on my face
and now, i don't know.
a moment of bliss,
i knew that was all
i would be allowed.
like florentino,
i wished to live,
on that river,
for eternity...
because one can find
what one see's
as eternity,
perhaps many times,
but when one finds it,
we never wish to let it go.
3.11.12 (honesty)
honestly
this all
feels fake.
and i hate it.
i need to go away,
but how can i
make sense of my life
when i'm stuck,
living in the fakeness
that you all
have found yourselves
comfortable in?
this isn't the place to feel
whole in,
but a place to find something
then find yourself lost.
get yourself together,
and never look back.
this all
feels fake.
and i hate it.
i need to go away,
but how can i
make sense of my life
when i'm stuck,
living in the fakeness
that you all
have found yourselves
comfortable in?
this isn't the place to feel
whole in,
but a place to find something
then find yourself lost.
get yourself together,
and never look back.
3.11.12 (belly up)
i think
i'm going
to start
living
as if i live
alone
because
i might as well.
i get home,
spend all day
alone,
go to bed,
alone,
wake up,
alone,
come home
to a home
with people in it
but speak to no one.
it's kind of funny,
but i hate feeling
like i've been abandoned.
i'm going
to start
living
as if i live
alone
because
i might as well.
i get home,
spend all day
alone,
go to bed,
alone,
wake up,
alone,
come home
to a home
with people in it
but speak to no one.
it's kind of funny,
but i hate feeling
like i've been abandoned.
3.10.12 (confession)
the bottom of the well
never looked right
and i knew it would hurt
to be trapped at the bottom
i never wanted to have
my lips sealed by the mere mention
of the name of the gal
of the one who has stolen my eyes
and taken the contents of my chest
off with her into the night.
i feel as a stranger
even among my friends
because now they all know
and i was one who did offend
i hate that i'm rhyming now,
i feel really immature,
because this wan't supposed to be a poem,
but a confession:
of how i've been living
in torture,
keeping a sour secret for one,
but now three, perhaps many,
are damaged,
and i'm still convinced of love.
i hate how i am feeling,
because this can only
come or go,
or worse
come and go,
and i don't want
to do either,
so someone
wish me luck.
please.
never looked right
and i knew it would hurt
to be trapped at the bottom
i never wanted to have
my lips sealed by the mere mention
of the name of the gal
of the one who has stolen my eyes
and taken the contents of my chest
off with her into the night.
i feel as a stranger
even among my friends
because now they all know
and i was one who did offend
i hate that i'm rhyming now,
i feel really immature,
because this wan't supposed to be a poem,
but a confession:
of how i've been living
in torture,
keeping a sour secret for one,
but now three, perhaps many,
are damaged,
and i'm still convinced of love.
i hate how i am feeling,
because this can only
come or go,
or worse
come and go,
and i don't want
to do either,
so someone
wish me luck.
please.
3.10.12 (don't know, don't care, just wish i was anywhere)
i've never wanted
to hate anyone.
my heart has ached,
with sores of many scorn,
and my eyes do shake
and they do tear.
i try my best
to be so brave
i tried my hardest
to be a strong man.
my heart is a little bit
stubborn though
and my heart stops
when i see you comin' round,
i'm drunk and i don't feel
like doing this anymore.
what are you supposed to do
when you don't want to talk to
any of the people
that you keep hanging around
when you're drinking yourself stupid
to forget what you thought you thought
and what you thought would be
and you thought what you could be
and you thought that maybe
this would equal out?
to hate anyone.
my heart has ached,
with sores of many scorn,
and my eyes do shake
and they do tear.
i try my best
to be so brave
i tried my hardest
to be a strong man.
my heart is a little bit
stubborn though
and my heart stops
when i see you comin' round,
i'm drunk and i don't feel
like doing this anymore.
what are you supposed to do
when you don't want to talk to
any of the people
that you keep hanging around
when you're drinking yourself stupid
to forget what you thought you thought
and what you thought would be
and you thought what you could be
and you thought that maybe
this would equal out?
3.8.12 (temporary)
i woke up
with that
lightness
back in
my chest
and for once
in the longest
time
i began
my day
with a smile
on my face.
3.7.12 (phones)
i hate
my phone.
it never
receives anything
nor do i
desire to use it,
but when i
break it,
i feel lost
in a forest
and that
might be
worse.
might be.
my phone.
it never
receives anything
nor do i
desire to use it,
but when i
break it,
i feel lost
in a forest
and that
might be
worse.
might be.
3.7.12 (castaway)
my room
feels like a
prison.
i feel so
alone
and yet
there are
people i love
so close
but it feels
so far.
i am a
castaway
in my own home.
feels like a
prison.
i feel so
alone
and yet
there are
people i love
so close
but it feels
so far.
i am a
castaway
in my own home.
3.7.12 (oof)
i hate
how often
i want to
cry
lately.
i was taught-
no, i guess not taught,
but made to learn
that crying made you
weak.
i don't think
i can afford
to be a weak person
right now.
how often
i want to
cry
lately.
i was taught-
no, i guess not taught,
but made to learn
that crying made you
weak.
i don't think
i can afford
to be a weak person
right now.
3.7.12 (living)
sometimes
everything
seems so
minuscule,
when one life
lost
remains
another gained,
but these
tethers
of emotion
bond us all
to each other
forever.
everything
seems so
minuscule,
when one life
lost
remains
another gained,
but these
tethers
of emotion
bond us all
to each other
forever.
3.7.12 (stuff)
nothing
is ever
as it seems.
we're constantly
trying to make things
the way we want,
because anything else
just won't work.
is ever
as it seems.
we're constantly
trying to make things
the way we want,
because anything else
just won't work.
3.7.12 (fuck)
i'm so tired
of being
disappointed.
i want the one
that i can't have,
and the ones
that desire me,
for some reason
far beyond me,
i can not feel the same.
i wish
this would all
just go away.
of being
disappointed.
i want the one
that i can't have,
and the ones
that desire me,
for some reason
far beyond me,
i can not feel the same.
i wish
this would all
just go away.
3.6.12 (dust)
sometimes
i feel like
i'm disintegrating;
leaving a trail
of dust behind.
i think maybe
that's why
i always feel
like i've forgotten
something,
or left something
someplace.
that's me.
i feel like
i'm disintegrating;
leaving a trail
of dust behind.
i think maybe
that's why
i always feel
like i've forgotten
something,
or left something
someplace.
that's me.
3.6.12 (morning sun)
morning sun
gleaming
through cracks
in the blinds
dancing
across the
small of
your back
and gently
kissing
your eyelids.
nothing
has ever seemed
so infinite.
gleaming
through cracks
in the blinds
dancing
across the
small of
your back
and gently
kissing
your eyelids.
nothing
has ever seemed
so infinite.
3.6.12 (times and time)
there are times
when every moment
feels like
an eternity.
like a
lifetime
lived in
one tiny
second.
maybe
that's why
i feel so
run down
sometimes.
when every moment
feels like
an eternity.
like a
lifetime
lived in
one tiny
second.
maybe
that's why
i feel so
run down
sometimes.
3.6.12 (definitions)
i don't
understand
a lot of
people.
too often
do we allow
the things
we do
and the things
we own
define
who we are.
understand
a lot of
people.
too often
do we allow
the things
we do
and the things
we own
define
who we are.
3.6.12 (future)
sometimes
i get overwhelmed
when i think
of the future.
because to me,
it's amazing
that we exist now,
let alone
in some far off
future.
i get overwhelmed
when i think
of the future.
because to me,
it's amazing
that we exist now,
let alone
in some far off
future.
3.6.12 (bad luck)
love
in the time
of the internet
has warped
our chances
of things that
last.
i want to
love slowly
and to
love wholly,
but alas,
i have no one
to hold my hand.
in the time
of the internet
has warped
our chances
of things that
last.
i want to
love slowly
and to
love wholly,
but alas,
i have no one
to hold my hand.
3.6.12 (vicious cycle (i don't like this one))
too many nights
have become
a blur
and too many mornings
have become
a battle.
observing the light
through cracks
has gotten old.
the day is coming,
i am going to
step back out
into the mid day sun
once more.
have become
a blur
and too many mornings
have become
a battle.
observing the light
through cracks
has gotten old.
the day is coming,
i am going to
step back out
into the mid day sun
once more.
3.6.12 (prisoner)
i had you
locked away
in the very back
of my mind,
but you were
still there,
and now you've
made your way
back to the front,
and again,
my eyes
can barely see
anyone else.
locked away
in the very back
of my mind,
but you were
still there,
and now you've
made your way
back to the front,
and again,
my eyes
can barely see
anyone else.
3.6.12 (the runner)
there are times
when racing around
gets to be too much.
i'm always running
from someone
or something.
there are always
too many times
when anywhere
seems better than here.
i've always got my eyes
set on some impossible prize,
and i always end up thinking
if i had a reason to stay
i would.
when racing around
gets to be too much.
i'm always running
from someone
or something.
there are always
too many times
when anywhere
seems better than here.
i've always got my eyes
set on some impossible prize,
and i always end up thinking
if i had a reason to stay
i would.
3.2.12 (dreams)
dreams
are like bugs
we've got so many
but we've got no idea
as to how we will
catch them,
let alone
hold on to them.
are like bugs
we've got so many
but we've got no idea
as to how we will
catch them,
let alone
hold on to them.
3.2.2012 (final thoughts)
i don't like
the idea
of pretend.
imagination
is one thing;
that's seeing magic
in everything.
but pretending
that everything
is something else:
that just makes me sad.
i think my imagination
has run away,
but only for as long
as i allow him(her)
to be free.
the idea
of pretend.
imagination
is one thing;
that's seeing magic
in everything.
but pretending
that everything
is something else:
that just makes me sad.
i think my imagination
has run away,
but only for as long
as i allow him(her)
to be free.
3.2.12 (haha)
it doesn't take
a genius
to figure out
that i've done wrong
but i think i know
what i need to do
to fix what has
gone wrong.
i've got a few problems
some new
and some quite old
i just want to be able
to make one smile
until i am
sick and old.
a genius
to figure out
that i've done wrong
but i think i know
what i need to do
to fix what has
gone wrong.
i've got a few problems
some new
and some quite old
i just want to be able
to make one smile
until i am
sick and old.
3.2.12 (first drunk thoughts after a week of not drinking and i wish i hadn't drank, but i'm glad i did or else i wouldn't have put into words how i feel at this exact moment in time)
i've got too many thoughts
running round my brain
i've been told they aren't bad
but i don't quite feel the same
they play tricks on me
through the day into night
i end up so confused
i end up so full of fright
the endless scheming
plotting out another life
it gets so tiresome
when things are black & white
i've tried so hard
to not pay attention to
the endless numbers
of troubles that haunt you
but i know i still
succumb in the same way
to the trials and boredoms
we must rise above and stay.
but i cannot help it
if i grow distracted by
an unrivaled beauty
some personal surprise
because i never see it coming
i never know what to expect
but i expect more lonesome longing
or else i cannot accept
a future more bright than now
one capable of real life
but i know that it is out there
so until then i will try
3.2.12 (i'm drunk and writing this freely)
some nights
you have
a crisis,
maybe two,
but that's ok.
some nights
you drink
a bit that seems
small
but feels a lot.
everything gets
narrow...
your life,
your longings,
your feelings...
i wonder,
am i only sad
when i drink,
or am i always sad
and just think about it
when i drink?
you have
a crisis,
maybe two,
but that's ok.
some nights
you drink
a bit that seems
small
but feels a lot.
everything gets
narrow...
your life,
your longings,
your feelings...
i wonder,
am i only sad
when i drink,
or am i always sad
and just think about it
when i drink?
3.1.12 (die smiling)
to rags
was i born,
and in rags
will i end,
but rest assured,
i will leave
this world
with a smile
on my face.
was i born,
and in rags
will i end,
but rest assured,
i will leave
this world
with a smile
on my face.
3.1.12 (soggy)
rusty joints
and soggy bones
ache
beneath the weight
of a heavy heart.
my brain
tries to compensate,
but it gets
tiresome
trying to
maintain.
and soggy bones
ache
beneath the weight
of a heavy heart.
my brain
tries to compensate,
but it gets
tiresome
trying to
maintain.
3.1.12 (lazy)
i call myself
lazy,
but i'm not
so sure.
i see people
whose priorities
are actually
backwards,
and know
that when i'm
lazy,
its because
my emotions
have stolen
my motivation.
lazy,
but i'm not
so sure.
i see people
whose priorities
are actually
backwards,
and know
that when i'm
lazy,
its because
my emotions
have stolen
my motivation.
3.1.12 (patience)
patience
is the hardest
thing to have.
the waiting
between now
and later
gets hard.
i want to be
the person i envision
myself being,
but the journey
goes ever on.
so i must be
patient.
is the hardest
thing to have.
the waiting
between now
and later
gets hard.
i want to be
the person i envision
myself being,
but the journey
goes ever on.
so i must be
patient.
3.1.12 (bedside)
some days
i wake up
on the wrong side
of the bed,
and some days
i wake up
on the right side.
i think
i woke up
in the middle
today.
i wake up
on the wrong side
of the bed,
and some days
i wake up
on the right side.
i think
i woke up
in the middle
today.
3.1.12 (lives)
seconds,
minutes,
hours,
days,
weeks,
months,
years.
this is
our lives.
strange
that something
so seemingly small
means so much,
while passing so quickly (slowly).
3.1.12 (days)
days
fly by
and some
are good,
and some
are bad,
but i don't want
to forget
a single one.
fly by
and some
are good,
and some
are bad,
but i don't want
to forget
a single one.
3.1.12 (never again)
i've done
wrong,
i know.
it's happened
to me,
and i know
how it feels.
being a placeholder,
a substitute lover,
is a job for
no one.
i'm sorry,
never again.
wrong,
i know.
it's happened
to me,
and i know
how it feels.
being a placeholder,
a substitute lover,
is a job for
no one.
i'm sorry,
never again.
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