your birthday
will be here
soon.
i was thinking
the other day
about
when it happened.
chicago,
september.
you were coming
to see me
in a week
and i was
sitting around
waiting.
i answered
and you were
crying
and i knew
something
was amiss.
you told me
and i didn't
sleep
for a few nights.
i couldn't eat
i could barely
move.
it was a feeling
i had never dreamed
could exist,
but it does
and it happens.
then i recall
nearly two years later
the messages passed
of lustful desire
and though i knew
it would not be pleasant
to sleep next to you once more
was enticing enough,
but when we tried
to make love
there was no love
and i could not complete
or sleep,
so i laid there
for hours,
until i could not take it
and i woke you up
and we tried again
but this time it wasn't love
this was just a fuck
and i could do that.
when you dropped me off
we hugged,
and i think that
was the last time
i would ever do that.
even so,
i still hope
you have
a happy birthday.
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